18 Comments
User's avatar
Gillian's avatar

Best article I’ve read on supporting someone who’s grieving in a long time 💛 thank you!

Expand full comment
Aliza Sir's avatar

Thank you! This means a lot, Gillian.

Expand full comment
Lou's avatar

Loved this! Adding to #2: Don’t try to cheer them up or (unless you are an expert) question the current medical assessment. I am currently pregnant with twins and we were told one might not survive. „But at least the other one is doing well“ - I just don’t know what to say to that, of course I am super grateful AND I already love both of them. Ask questions instead of making assumptions- e.g. our realistic best case scenario entails (at least) 2 months of Nicu - if you think the other person might be „too upset“ about those news, because your cousin‘s daughter was a couple of days in Nicu as well and she turned out fine - ask for additional information. And it‘s okay to ask and say the „wrong“ thing - we are all lesrning.

last point- if you can’t show up because you have currently too much on your own plate- that’s fine too, tell them exactly that

Expand full comment
Aliza Sir's avatar

Thank you, Lou! Will be thinking of you through this tough time - and really appreciate your last point about just letting friends know when you have too much on your plate to show up, it's small yet meaningful 💛

Expand full comment
Liane Bourke's avatar

Yes to all of this! Megan Devines book ‘It’s okay that you’re not okay’ is a great deep dive into this

Expand full comment
Aliza Sir's avatar

I need to check this one out, thank you!

Expand full comment
ale giu's avatar

Thank you, I really loved this and I'll be thinking about how to use your advice in my life

Expand full comment
Aliza Sir's avatar

Aw, I'm so glad!

Expand full comment
jess's avatar

really loved this - so practical... and i loved the examples for how to show up or make someones life easier 💛

Expand full comment
Aliza Sir's avatar

Really appreciate this!!

Expand full comment
Jade's avatar

saved! loved all of this. thank you.

Expand full comment
Aliza Sir's avatar

Thank you thank you 💛

Expand full comment
Loretta brooks's avatar

Wonderful article.

Expand full comment
Sabrina Molu's avatar

I wrote a post very similar to this in April after my dad died and I had to be on the receiving end of a lot of these. Your advice is spot on!

Expand full comment
Steffee's avatar

How do you help someone who's experiencing pre-grief, mourning someone who will but has yet to pass?

Expand full comment
Aliza Sir's avatar

That's such a great question - we went through that for a long time while my friend's sister was sick. I'd love for others to weigh in, but I think that most (if not all) of the concepts we mentioned here would still apply.

Expand full comment
Cassie's avatar

Really thoughtful advice ❤️ My friend just lost her grandmother right before the holidays and I’m grateful I stumbled upon this post that will help me be a better friend to her during this time.

Expand full comment
Aliza Sir's avatar

Aw, I'm so sorry to hear that but glad that this could maybe give you some guidance and comfort for showing up for her right now 💛

Expand full comment