Issue #109: What to tell yourself when things go wrong

14 mental hacks for managing daily frustrations

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Jun 26, 2025

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Hi! We were talking to our friend the other day about how she handles getting cut off in traffic (she imagines the other driver is rushing to see their newborn baby), and it got us thinking about all the little mental tricks we use to make life more manageable — especially when current events feel extra heavy.

You know those moments when you could either spiral into frustration or find a way to laugh it off? After this conversation, we started collecting these “hacks” from each other and our friends. Here are our favorites…

1. When you get a parking ticket

If Aliza thinks about the number of times she hasn’t gotten a ticket when she probably should’ve, she’s way less upset about finally getting one. (This is also a good way to feel better about missing a flight.)

2. When you do something embarrassing

Aja copes with embarrassing moments by trying to remember when someone she knew did the same thing. Inevitably, she can’t — which reminds her how forgettable it’ll be.

3. When a stranger is rude to you

Whenever someone’s rude to her, Aliza decides they must be having a really bad day.

4. When you stain or break something you love

It’s easy to get mad at yourself, but, Aja says, she always says to herself, “Good, I was using it!”

5. When you hit a travel delay

We’ve both resolved not to let flight, train, and other transportation delays phase us — they’re not fun, but we’ll get where we’re going eventually.

6. When you’re stuck in a long line (or traffic)

Aja tells herself it’s a good opportunity to take a breather. (Literally, she’ll do some box breathing.)

7. When something obnoxious happens at work

Our friend pretends she’s on a hidden camera show and gets points based on how well she reacts. At the end of the week, she can cash out her points for prizes.

8. When you’re feeling insecure

For years, Aja has used this trick whenever she’s feeling anxious about where she is in life: She pretends her sixteen-year-old self is hovering above her, watching as she goes about her day. The sixteen-year-old self is always so impressed (we have our own place! we’re wearing a cute outfit to work! we manage a team! etc.)

9. When you don’t want to work out

Aliza tells herself: “Just start, you can always bail/walk/leave early.” Our friend who’s run a bajillion marathons pictures herself immediately after her run, soaking in the endorphin rush. If she really needs the motivation, she pictures herself at her next race’s finish line.

10. When you make a mistake

Aja asks herself: “Will this matter in 10 years?” If no, she asks, “Will this matter in 10 weeks?” Usually, the answer is still no.

11. When you’re dreading a social event

We know an introvert who swears by planning her exit strategy in advance. She says knowing how — and when — she can leave makes going easier (and normally, she ends up staying past her “deadline” because she’s having fun.)

12. When you’re comparing your house to someone else’s

Aja tries to remember that we’re seeing their “people are coming over” version, not their “Tuesday night with dishes in the sink” reality.

13. When you’re overthinking a decision

Our friend flips a coin — not to make the decision, but to notice whether she’s relieved/excited about the outcome or not. (Check out our interview with a woman who helps people make decisions for a living.)

14. When you’re feeling overwhelmed

Aliza asks herself: “What’s the worst thing that will happen if I just take a break?” Most of the time, there’s little downside to closing the computer, leaving the laundry pile unfolded, and so on.

What’s your favorite mental hack? What have you learned from your friends?