Issue #102: Meet the coach who solves life's biggest questions in one hour

Nell Wulfhart on marriage doubts, the kid decision, and why more time doesn't help

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With my college best friend at her wedding last winter

Written by

Aliza Sir

. Edited by

Aja Frost

.

I (Aliza) usually make decisions quickly — sometimes, too quickly.

For example, when I decided where to go to college, I thought more about the school’s rank and social scene than how comfortable I’d feel navigating a fifteen-thousand person campus. As a result, I spent much of those four years adrift and out of my element.¹

If only I’d known Nell Wulfhart when I was eighteen.

Nell is a professional decision coach who’s helped parents, Olympians, retirees, tech workers, CEOs, artists, and more navigate their biggest life choices, like: “Should I take this job offer? Should I go freelance? Should I have a kid? Where should I live? Should I break up with this person? Should I marry this person? Should I get this tattoo removed? Should I re-home this dog that I adopted and changed my mind about?” she says.

Source: The Decision Coach

I asked Nell how many sessions her clients usually need.

“I only do one session,” she tells me. “I used to offer three, but I realized that by the time someone is coming to a stranger for help with their problem, they don't need to talk about it anymore. They just need to make a decision and move on.”

No matter the question, her process is the same: Figure out what someone truly wants. I got to see this first-hand when I booked a session to discuss how much longer I should pursue IVF.² During the hour we spent together, Nell asked me questions designed to reveal how well my options (keep trying versus explore surrogacy) aligned with my values and goals for the future. She was both empathetic and direct, so even though I’d never met her before — and we were delving into something extremely personal — I opened up. We talked about what parallel paths might look like, how I was feeling mentally, and how I could experience more joy while going through a difficult and draining process.

Then we talked about some of the most common questions she helps clients with.

“What do you say when someone is asking you, ‘Should I marry them?’” I ask.