Omg the rage I felt for Kinsie. Please speak up that if you are with couples who are splitting the bill, EVERYONE PUTS A CARD DOWN. I would never let this slide. Ever. Period. I think as single people we have to be more stern in setting boundaries like this.
This is such a good read, as a perpetually single person who is living in NYC spending an arm and a leg on rent, this resonated so much. I think about retirement DAILY too and am always shocked when people will travel for showers and weddings, but not acknowledge big moments in the single people's lives. Thank you for sharing!
Yes yes to saying you’re not comfortable with it… but also, partnered people should speak up! Like, “I’ll put this on my card and Venmo everyone for their share”… it’s not that hard!
I am a single woman in my mid-20s and I am deep in the era of weddings. I am so happy for my friends beginning life partnerships, but I just bought my first house(!!!) and I feel like that accomplishment is being put to the back burner because of weddings and bach parties. I do personally feel that I am very fulfilled in my life, I am close geographically to my remaining family, I have the flexibility to do whatever I want, honestly I think I am happier in my life right now than I have ever been in a relationship.
This comment made me so, so happy! Plus one to Emily's note — what a MAJOR win and just as meaningful as a wedding. I hope you can have a housewarming party and really soak it in with your friends.
Loved reading this one! I think it’s crazy that some people think it’s ok to split the bill with one card per couple or single person!! If you’re splitting it evenly some people are already getting the short end of the stick if they ordered less, so it’s crazy to expect someone to pay twice as much just because they didn’t bring a partner
I want to recommend How We Show Up by Mia Birdsong - a book about building community in and outside of the nuclear family, and about how American politics and systems have made us expect less of each other when it comes to community. The author is partnered, but the book really describes a community in which no PhD would go uncelebrated and letting a friend in at 11pm is an expected exchange, a commitment of friendship. I’m sad for the person who thinks they dump too much on their friends - that’s what they’re for!
Thank you for the rec — our friend Julia told us a few months ago we’d like this book, so this is a very helpful reminder/endorsement for picking it up! Love these thoughts on community.
loved this so much! as a recent college grad who wants to focus on other things besides dating, it's really nice to hear about the experiences of thriving single women :)
I recently heard a woman podcaster say that a woman being in control of her own financial destiny is the ultimate expression of feminism.
While I can think of many higher goals of feminism that are less individually focused, her comment really made me think about taking my financial future more seriously and doing everything I can to build freedom and safety as I get older.
Obviously these decisions represent a privilege many women don’t have - including me in the past.
But how tragic if women who do have the opportunity to plan a secure future don’t take the necessary steps because we’ve never been taught or encouraged to, because it’s not part of the social narrative of womanhood.
A big plus one to what you’ve said. I hope that the social narrative of womanhood is expanding… I see (and participate in) communities like FIREyfemmes on Reddit, for women working towards financial independence, and Lindsey Stanberry’s The Purse, and I feel optimistic. Of course, there’s still a very powerful meta narrative around women and money.
I think it was Financial Feminist, which to be honest I don’t love overall.
Financially Fierce and She’s On The Money are quite good. I’m open to further recommendations as I’m trying to grow my financial nous ahead of needing to make some big financial decisions once my family law matter is complete.
Just wanted to make a plug for the Substack “The Opt Out” that’s specifically about and for being a single and or child free woman! I’ve found it super validating and encouraging!
When I worked at nonprofits/schools, many of my coworkers were coupled up and/or had a family. I felt I was often excluded from activities because I was single. Even though I don’t mind of the activity had to be more kid-centric to be accommodating. I really just wanted to hang. But it changed when I transitioned into the finance industry and there were more people either single or had a partner but everyone is included.
I love living on my own and having my own space (in Boston), but when I think how much money I could save each much if I had a partner on a 1B apartment the thought feels orgasmic.
Omg the rage I felt for Kinsie. Please speak up that if you are with couples who are splitting the bill, EVERYONE PUTS A CARD DOWN. I would never let this slide. Ever. Period. I think as single people we have to be more stern in setting boundaries like this.
This is such a good read, as a perpetually single person who is living in NYC spending an arm and a leg on rent, this resonated so much. I think about retirement DAILY too and am always shocked when people will travel for showers and weddings, but not acknowledge big moments in the single people's lives. Thank you for sharing!
Yes yes to saying you’re not comfortable with it… but also, partnered people should speak up! Like, “I’ll put this on my card and Venmo everyone for their share”… it’s not that hard!
it really isn't that hard, so it makes me really sad that she's dealing with it. Agree that the couples need to speak up too it seems so obvious!
I am a single woman in my mid-20s and I am deep in the era of weddings. I am so happy for my friends beginning life partnerships, but I just bought my first house(!!!) and I feel like that accomplishment is being put to the back burner because of weddings and bach parties. I do personally feel that I am very fulfilled in my life, I am close geographically to my remaining family, I have the flexibility to do whatever I want, honestly I think I am happier in my life right now than I have ever been in a relationship.
This comment made me so, so happy! Plus one to Emily's note — what a MAJOR win and just as meaningful as a wedding. I hope you can have a housewarming party and really soak it in with your friends.
buying a house is a big deal!!! congratulations, that's amazing!
i'm only 21, and i've been trying to focus on building myself up, and hearing things like this is extremely motivating :)
Maya- if you ever want to chat, would be happy to talk about my experiences... although I am only a few years older than you!
Congrats on buying your own house! That is a big accomplishment especially in this current economy! I’m proud of you.
As a fellow single lady I feel nervous at the thought of investing in a home on my own. Awesome job you!
Loved reading this one! I think it’s crazy that some people think it’s ok to split the bill with one card per couple or single person!! If you’re splitting it evenly some people are already getting the short end of the stick if they ordered less, so it’s crazy to expect someone to pay twice as much just because they didn’t bring a partner
Could not agree more… justice for Kinsie!
I want to recommend How We Show Up by Mia Birdsong - a book about building community in and outside of the nuclear family, and about how American politics and systems have made us expect less of each other when it comes to community. The author is partnered, but the book really describes a community in which no PhD would go uncelebrated and letting a friend in at 11pm is an expected exchange, a commitment of friendship. I’m sad for the person who thinks they dump too much on their friends - that’s what they’re for!
Thank you for the rec — our friend Julia told us a few months ago we’d like this book, so this is a very helpful reminder/endorsement for picking it up! Love these thoughts on community.
loved this so much! as a recent college grad who wants to focus on other things besides dating, it's really nice to hear about the experiences of thriving single women :)
Yay, thank you for letting us know! Congrats on graduating 💛
I resonated with this all so much as a single woman in my 40s. Thank you! I feel seen.
Aw this made my day — thanks for telling us, Jackie 💛
I recently heard a woman podcaster say that a woman being in control of her own financial destiny is the ultimate expression of feminism.
While I can think of many higher goals of feminism that are less individually focused, her comment really made me think about taking my financial future more seriously and doing everything I can to build freedom and safety as I get older.
Obviously these decisions represent a privilege many women don’t have - including me in the past.
But how tragic if women who do have the opportunity to plan a secure future don’t take the necessary steps because we’ve never been taught or encouraged to, because it’s not part of the social narrative of womanhood.
Ooh, what podcast? Do you recommend it?
A big plus one to what you’ve said. I hope that the social narrative of womanhood is expanding… I see (and participate in) communities like FIREyfemmes on Reddit, for women working towards financial independence, and Lindsey Stanberry’s The Purse, and I feel optimistic. Of course, there’s still a very powerful meta narrative around women and money.
I think it was Financial Feminist, which to be honest I don’t love overall.
Financially Fierce and She’s On The Money are quite good. I’m open to further recommendations as I’m trying to grow my financial nous ahead of needing to make some big financial decisions once my family law matter is complete.
Found this in a store an hour after reading this great post! ha https://www.maisonette.com/product/cher-knows-best-needlepoint-pillow
Ahaha I’m obsessed
One card per couple is crazy. I feel so sorry for that commenter!
Right?! Hopefully she sees these notes and feels empowered to say something!
Just wanted to make a plug for the Substack “The Opt Out” that’s specifically about and for being a single and or child free woman! I’ve found it super validating and encouraging!
When I worked at nonprofits/schools, many of my coworkers were coupled up and/or had a family. I felt I was often excluded from activities because I was single. Even though I don’t mind of the activity had to be more kid-centric to be accommodating. I really just wanted to hang. But it changed when I transitioned into the finance industry and there were more people either single or had a partner but everyone is included.
I love living on my own and having my own space (in Boston), but when I think how much money I could save each much if I had a partner on a 1B apartment the thought feels orgasmic.
Thanks for taking the time to collect this feedback!
And remember, *all* women can become their own rich man (thanks, Cher). There is nothing better than financial freedom from an awful situation.