I think this might be a Trader Joe’s policy - the folks working there always engage but not with “how are you?” - like “Do you have anything fun planned this weekend?” “Did you get outside to enjoy this weather?” “Is this the end of your errands today?”
I worked at TJs for a year during college and it wasn't a policy at our store (in MN). But in general they employ such fun and interesting people that I think they usually ask more unique questions than the "how are you" norm.
I’m constantly impressed with how the two of you consistently come up with thoughtful and interesting topics for your Thursday newsletters. I know you never phone it in! On another note, I just wanted to send Aliza some love and solidarity. Your IVF comment brought me back to two summers ago when I bedazzled my sharps container to make IVF less sad. Infertility is such a unique loneliness that you can’t understand unless you’ve been there. And while now I can look back and see many small miracles and how grateful I am to have gotten to witness my son’s creation on a cellular level, it was so brutal to go through IVF. I hope you know how strong and resilient you are to put yourself through so much to grow your family ❤️
Moriah, this comment means so so much — both what you said about Platonic Love (we really do take that so seriously), and IVF (bedazzling, brilliant!). Thank you for reading! 💛
I think it's worthwhile to think about what AI can do vs. its dangers, etc., but while it can appear to make our lives easier in the moment, the usage of AI comes at a huge environmental cost. A single ChatGPT inquiry uses 5 times as much electricity then a web search. AI data centers also use a huge amount of water for cooling. It might make vacation planning easier, but I think it's worth asking at what cost and who has the privilege to use it for fun. I know that this is not really the vibe of this newsletter, but I offer it as something to consider.
Thank you for articulating this, Ana. The environmental effects of AI are very troubling to me, and I have seen increasing numbers of people pull out their phones and use it in casual situations.
“What’s changed the most since I last saw you?” What a perfect line because it opens the space for the person to answer with the depth they want. AND it immediately starts a conversation. “How are you?” Really doesn’t do much since most times people say “good” without even thinking of it.
Hard agree that we need to do away with “How are you?” as a casual greeting!! It’s a thoughtful question that means a lot when asked by a good friend. Why do we water it down by tossing it around to every person we encounter in a day?
I absolutely felt this even more when dealing with loss and fertility challenges. The peppy lady at the cute greeting card shop got a dark response one time 😆. But I kinda think, don’t ask such an earnest question if you don’t want to know the answer!
What a thoughtful list. I love a good, depth-oriented, curiosity. So many things we can learn about each other beyond our immediate state.
When a “how are you?” is sent my way, I have gotten in the habit of answering that question more honestly even when at the checkout or somewhere of the like, “oh I’m feeling the oscillating dread and wonder that comes with existing right now.” Most of the time people will laugh, smile and loosen into the freedom of not having to pretend anymore.
At a time when I’m feeling fragile (for good reasons) I definitely use AI for creating a daily schedule that balances achievement with self care.
And for online dating, if I receive communications that gives me a subtle or undefinable warning sign I will ask it to analyse the interactions - it’s shockingly good at articulating the underlying dynamics and helping me respond honestly and clearly even flag the issue to the other person. This is needed more commonly than I would like and is great for someone who tends to brush over problematic communication for fear of being too confrontational and keeping things sweet.
These are all great! I think for parenting I might add something along the lines of, when you're feeling depleted, how do you reset? or, when you're having a hard day with your kids, what's something that helps you right the ship? I'd love to hear the responses!
This is a little different but tangential to your post - from Kathleen Donahoe of A Little Laugh. It reminded me that the most important things are to be the first one to be vulnerable, and to stop trying to be cool. It's so hard to let our guards down but does feel like the quickest (or at least most genuine) way to connect. https://alittlelaugh.substack.com/p/a-fun-persons-guide-to-real-talk
I love all of these. Going to have to put them in a note on my phone. I straight up ignore anyone at work that asks “how are you?” Or how’s it going” as they pass me in the hall and just respond with “hello!” Haha.
Thank you very much for compiling this list — and even breaking it down for different occasions!🙏🙏
When I’m asked “How are you?”, I’ve noticed I automatically reply with “Okay,” no matter how I actually feel — just because it’s asked so often😅 Do you think there’s a question from the list that you would’ve asked back then at the yoga studio?
I think this might be a Trader Joe’s policy - the folks working there always engage but not with “how are you?” - like “Do you have anything fun planned this weekend?” “Did you get outside to enjoy this weather?” “Is this the end of your errands today?”
I worked at TJs for a year during college and it wasn't a policy at our store (in MN). But in general they employ such fun and interesting people that I think they usually ask more unique questions than the "how are you" norm.
I’ve noticed this!! And, honestly, it’s a great question.
Trust Trader Joe's to get this right!!
You're right! I've absolutely noticed this, too - probably one of the reasons TJs is my favorite grocery store.
I’m constantly impressed with how the two of you consistently come up with thoughtful and interesting topics for your Thursday newsletters. I know you never phone it in! On another note, I just wanted to send Aliza some love and solidarity. Your IVF comment brought me back to two summers ago when I bedazzled my sharps container to make IVF less sad. Infertility is such a unique loneliness that you can’t understand unless you’ve been there. And while now I can look back and see many small miracles and how grateful I am to have gotten to witness my son’s creation on a cellular level, it was so brutal to go through IVF. I hope you know how strong and resilient you are to put yourself through so much to grow your family ❤️
Moriah, this comment means so so much — both what you said about Platonic Love (we really do take that so seriously), and IVF (bedazzling, brilliant!). Thank you for reading! 💛
I think it's worthwhile to think about what AI can do vs. its dangers, etc., but while it can appear to make our lives easier in the moment, the usage of AI comes at a huge environmental cost. A single ChatGPT inquiry uses 5 times as much electricity then a web search. AI data centers also use a huge amount of water for cooling. It might make vacation planning easier, but I think it's worth asking at what cost and who has the privilege to use it for fun. I know that this is not really the vibe of this newsletter, but I offer it as something to consider.
Thank you for articulating this, Ana. The environmental effects of AI are very troubling to me, and I have seen increasing numbers of people pull out their phones and use it in casual situations.
“What’s changed the most since I last saw you?” What a perfect line because it opens the space for the person to answer with the depth they want. AND it immediately starts a conversation. “How are you?” Really doesn’t do much since most times people say “good” without even thinking of it.
I'm going to take this one on a roadshow!
As someone who can struggle with initiating convos with new people, these are fantastic! Thank you 💝
So glad to hear that 💛
Hard agree that we need to do away with “How are you?” as a casual greeting!! It’s a thoughtful question that means a lot when asked by a good friend. Why do we water it down by tossing it around to every person we encounter in a day?
I absolutely felt this even more when dealing with loss and fertility challenges. The peppy lady at the cute greeting card shop got a dark response one time 😆. But I kinda think, don’t ask such an earnest question if you don’t want to know the answer!
You summed this up so well, Meg!
What a great list! I love your blog, and this list is a particularly useful set of questions:). Thanks!
Thanks so much, Adam! Really appreciate it.
What a thoughtful list. I love a good, depth-oriented, curiosity. So many things we can learn about each other beyond our immediate state.
When a “how are you?” is sent my way, I have gotten in the habit of answering that question more honestly even when at the checkout or somewhere of the like, “oh I’m feeling the oscillating dread and wonder that comes with existing right now.” Most of the time people will laugh, smile and loosen into the freedom of not having to pretend anymore.
Thanks so much, Kaitlyn! I always appreciate that real, authentic curiosity too.
At a time when I’m feeling fragile (for good reasons) I definitely use AI for creating a daily schedule that balances achievement with self care.
And for online dating, if I receive communications that gives me a subtle or undefinable warning sign I will ask it to analyse the interactions - it’s shockingly good at articulating the underlying dynamics and helping me respond honestly and clearly even flag the issue to the other person. This is needed more commonly than I would like and is great for someone who tends to brush over problematic communication for fear of being too confrontational and keeping things sweet.
These are all such powerful use cases - appreciate you sharing, June! x
Love all of these!
This is really useful - thank you
These are so good! Saving for future reference
This is gold, thank you
These are all great! I think for parenting I might add something along the lines of, when you're feeling depleted, how do you reset? or, when you're having a hard day with your kids, what's something that helps you right the ship? I'd love to hear the responses!
This is a little different but tangential to your post - from Kathleen Donahoe of A Little Laugh. It reminded me that the most important things are to be the first one to be vulnerable, and to stop trying to be cool. It's so hard to let our guards down but does feel like the quickest (or at least most genuine) way to connect. https://alittlelaugh.substack.com/p/a-fun-persons-guide-to-real-talk
I love all of these. Going to have to put them in a note on my phone. I straight up ignore anyone at work that asks “how are you?” Or how’s it going” as they pass me in the hall and just respond with “hello!” Haha.
Okay that’s kind of brilliant though! Ha
Thank you very much for compiling this list — and even breaking it down for different occasions!🙏🙏
When I’m asked “How are you?”, I’ve noticed I automatically reply with “Okay,” no matter how I actually feel — just because it’s asked so often😅 Do you think there’s a question from the list that you would’ve asked back then at the yoga studio?