I'm Aliza and I live in Watertown, MA (just outside of Cambridge!). I'm about 1.5 years into motherhood, and one of my goals this year is trying to figure out what a good and fulfilling rhythm around "mom" or "parent" friends would feel like in my life. How many friends do I actually need? What would I like to gain from those friendships?
Something that has been coming up more and more for me is the ease of proximity. Sam and I went to a kids music class at the local library last Saturday, but it was so mobbed (seriously, who knew there were so many babies in my town!?) that I found it too intimidating to strike up a conversation with anyone new. But somewhat unexpectedly, we found ourselves connecting and exchanging numbers with another couple at a local coffeeshop the other day who had a toddler around Jude's age too -- I'm excited to see where that relationship goes!
My name's Aja (after the 1977 Steely Dan album); I live in Somerville, Massachusetts (a 20-min drive from Aliza and a 15-min walk to Harvard Square); and there are a few things I'm hoping to get out of the training program... I'd like to get more intentional about seeing and staying in touch with my friends, especially the ones who don't live nearby, and I'd also like to better understand what makes me a good friend and where I could be a better one.
Many of my friends were originally friends of friends, BUT I've met a few people through Substack (and am always open to meeting more!)
I think I'm gonna do the last prompt (Share something you’re interested in on social media and ask if anyone else wants to come) which will be a good challenge for me because in the past few years I've gotten irrationally shy around using social.
OK, I'm back! I shared a cool-looking restaurant event (h/t to Aliza, who sent it to me and said "this would be good for your prompt," haha)... and a few people responded, but all existing friends/not in Boston/etc. I think if I tried this again, I'd do something with a less firm date to make it likelier someone interested could do it (e.g. a movie, museum, etc.)
Nonetheless, it was good practice putting myself out there, and I *have* made some progress on the other prompts (will share more next Thursday!) Would love to hear how everyone else is doing :)
I'm Suzanne and I live in Portland, Maine. My hope for this training program and my unlikely friendship find are closely intertwined. I work with many women in their 50s and 60s and there is one in particular who I've really hit it off with. She gave me her daughter's phone number who is now a new friend of mine, but I really want to cultivate a cross-generational friendship with my colleague instead/also! I mentioned to her that I don't just want to be friends with her daughter but also with her and she laughed and asked why I would want to be friends with an 'oldie.' Anyways, I am hoping to be brave and not just take our friendship outside of work but also cultivate some new friends from another generation!
HI all! I'm Liz and I'm on Boston's North Shore. I'm a freelance writer but these days, I'm pretty occupied with my three little boys (ages 6, 5, and 2.5)!
I've moved around quite a bit since college, including several years on the west coast from early 2017- late 2021. Between being so far away from family and friends, plus back-to-back-to-back pregnancies and COVID isolation during this period, my time on the west coast was pretty anti-social and lonely. It's only been recently that I've identified how lonely that time was and how it effected me. I value friendships in a deeper way since then.
I'm beyond grateful for my solid handful of college friends that I've kept in touch with, but we don't see each other all that much as we aren't all local. But thanks to my son starting kindergarten the year we moved back east, as well as an amazing neighborhood, I've started to "grow" my friendship circle and feel so lucky to have found a few really awesome mom friends, as well as reconnect with a few friends that I had here years ago.
But I know that friendships take work and time, and I'm hoping that this series can help me make this a bigger priority and encourage me to make the time to invest in my friendships - and not let being a tired mom be an excuse ;) I'm also hoping to find the strength to be truly myself in friendships, to share my interests (writing, books, home design, pop culture and more) and worries (holy moly motherhood), because I've reach the stage where I really value deeper conversations, honesty - realness.
I have to agree with my friend Amelia who commented a bit earlier regarding a funny place to meet a friend - we recently reconnected when we noticed each others name on an online parent course! I was so glad that she reached out and it has since quickly evolved into a wonderful and growing friendship - we have our sons to bond over but are getting to know each other and our interests as well. It's been lovely :)
Hi! I'm Mollie. I live in Cambridge, MA — right between Harvard and Central Squares, so hello neighbors! I'm turning 30 this year and have been kind of astounded by how much the (generally expected) transitions in mine and my friends' lives are affecting our dynamics in small and big ways. The light abrasion of being at different life stages, the realization that our visions of friendship's place in our lives may be different as we shift into "real adulthood," etc. My hope is that this program helps me cut through some of that awkwardness and identify ways to be more curious and appreciative of our differences.
My favorite unlikely friendship meet-cute was with a cashier at my favorite bagel shop. He was one of so few people I saw regularly during the worst of the pandemic. Week over week we learned more about each other through the take-out window. He's since left that job and we've lost touch, but whenever we bump into each other around the city we're both so excited.
I live in Nashville, Tennessee, which is where I grew up. My comment will probably sound douchey but HONESTY IZ THE NAME OF THE GAME. I have so many life struggles, but making/retaining good friends is not one of them. I'd actually be interested in discussing, as my friend once told me, how to have "less friends, better friends." How can I check my gut when asked to hang out and see if it's really something I want to do, not just feel obligated to do? How can I carve out meaningful time with the friends I already have that isn't centered on watching tv or sitting on the couch (which is great but you know, we gotta go do stuff too)? How do I lean into conflict so that the "better" friends and I keep doing the work to keep our friendship strong? Who can I let go of this year, who I may be occasionally getting drinks or meals with out of guilt?
ALSO, (this is not at all part of the prompt), I have loved using Marco Polo to stay in touch with my three study abroad friends. We've used it for years and it makes me feel close to them. I highly recommend it for friends who live in different cities.
I realize I went completely off base so I'll see y'all in the outfield
Hi! I’m Kaela and I live in Washington, D.C.! I work with Aliza (in fact, she used to be my boss - best boss ever) and am also a new mom.
When I had my daughter, I only had a few friends with kids, so I dove head first into parenting activities (new mom support group, weekly music class, etc) to expand my community. I’ve met SO many awesome people through these activities, but noticed I haven’t really developed any actual relationships, just chatted through WhatsApp or after class. My goal through this challenge is to move from “friendly stranger” to "friend" with a few parents - especially since it’ll benefit my daughter too.
I’ve made a ton of friends, including my best D.C. girlfriends, working at a barre studio! We all worked there in our mid-twenties as a side hustle and ended up finding lifelong friendships. We still visit the studio for a weekly class together. I hate awkward silence, so I always try to strike up conversation with my neighbor at the barre while waiting for class to begin. Sometimes people are open to chatting, sometimes they aren’t :)
Hi everyone! I'm Molly and I live in Minneapolis, MN. I'm excited for this training program because I'd love to have time set aside to reflect on my friendships and ways I can continue to develop truly nourishing relationships. I think one of my goals is to try and keep FOMO out of my social life and focus on being present in important relationships.
I've made new friends through joining recreational sports teams (more specifically, carpooling or biking together to our games). That consistency of games (or a weekly workout class) with people makes it much easier to feel in touch and connected.
I think time and energy are what hold me back from cultivating newer relationships. I would love to make new friends but I feel like I first need to make sure all my other relationships are "solid" aka that I am feeling connected and close to them. This makes me excited to try prompt #2! I'm going to see if any of my friends would be interested in doing something where we each invite someone the other doesn't know very well.
Thanks Aliza and Aja!! I have loved everything else y'all have done with Platonic Love and am super excited about this :)
wow, what a showing for the first day! so impressed, A&A. i'm sarah, and i live in new york city, a place i moved to directly out of college and never intended to stay in for so long (that was 2008, sooo...). early on in my time in new york, i lost an entire friend group at once, and thus, had to get really good (or at least, try to get really good) at making new friends and putting myself out there. initially, this meant joining a myriad of book clubs, as well as getting into group fitness--an unlikely place in which i met a handful of truly wonderful new friends. said wonderful new friends chatted me up in the locker room, asking how often i came to class, or what color nail polish i had on my toes, et voila! friendships were born.
given this experience, you'd think i'd be a pro at saying hi to strangers, but the truth is, doing so STILL terrifies me. if i'm dining alone (something i'll be doing a lot this month as i spend the entirety of february in mexico city!), i always--ALWAYS--bring my kindle as a proverbial security blanket. and if you don't talk to me first, i likely won't talk to you...even if i desperately want to! if you start the convo, i'm golden, but for me to do so requires, at the very least, a couple glasses of wine.
SO! my goal for this program is to get better at being the one to make the first move. wish me luck :)
Hi everyone! I'm Amelia, I live in the country 2 hours north of NYC, am married with 2 teenagers, and am in my late 40s. Making friends as an adult is so much harder once college is over - although I found one exception was the years when kids first start school (preschool or K) which for me were a BONANZA for meeting people in the same stage of life with a lot in common! My favorite way to get to know people and feel out whether we could be friends is through joining a group of some sort - I've made friends with people I wouldn't typically meet through signing up for things like sports classes and volunteer roles. I find that having an activity and being within a group is a good way to feel people out - and if it's a class or volunteer thing, it doesn't have to go on forever. I find "coffee dates" super-awkward and intense!
I'd love to make more writing/content creation friends - I write full-time and it can be so, so lonely!
Hi I'm Brenna :) I live in Napoli, Italy! I have had a heck of a time making friends in my thirties. Since I don't have kids yet, it's that time in our lives when everyone feels like we are in different stages. I try to make friendships with people in all different phases and most importantly, intergenerational friendships!
My most interesting friend I've met since moving to Napoli is a retired man from Northern Ireland. We met at Italian school. He doesn't do well with the internet and he doesn't fly on planes! But we manage to keep in touch via EMAILs to each other about book recommendations. He is such a good writer and his book recommendations are fire.
Another random place I met a friend - at a women in business conference. I was going through a touch time and really needed a new friendship group. I complimented her outfit and her stylish backpack. We had so much in common and hit it off and exchanged numbers. It was great!
Hi hi! (Anyone else watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith??) I'm Heidi. I'm a writer, editor, and mom. I met Aliza through Substack when I invited her to do an interview for my Mothers Who Make series. I met a lot of my friends online, either through networks like Substack or in a class. We bond over shared interests like writing, freelance life, and disability parenting in a way that I can't with IRL friends. Most of my IRL friends live too far away to see very often these days anyways. We do stay in touch with Polos and texts though, and I've found it's frequency and silly details that see us through and keep the relationship feeling alive. Making friends sounds overwhelming, but I would love to find more local people we can ask for help if we're sick or need childcare suddenly. It would be nice to trade with someone and have a real sense of community here.
Hi, Lacey here! I live in Somerville, MA, SUPER close to Aja! The pandemic did a number on my energy levels within the context of social interactions, namely that I sort of forgot how to interact with others in a way that was not incredibly draining. (Note: as someone who scored the HIGHEST you can on the extroversion scale of the Myers-Briggs, this has come as a shock to me!). As I have built back my stamina in the last year, I have remembered just how important connections are to me, especially now that I am an adult and they don't come as readily. While I miss the days of college and early-twenties when all my friends lived within the same building or neighborhood block, I am finding this time in my early thirties to be very special and energizing in a new way. I can't wait to be a part of this conversation!
I recently became good friends with someone who I only loosely knew through a work environment in which both of us were very part-time. However, we bonded over having a shared mutual hatred for a previous work place (sadly common in the mental health world - I'm a therapist) and now we collaborate daily not only as colleagues but as friends! She is about 7 years younger than I am, but that doesn't really seem to mean much to either of us.
I like the idea of the hobby prompt as I have been semi-curious about knitting/crocheting!
My name is Siena and I'm a grad student living in New York City. I moved here two years ago and I feel really lucky to have made great relationships within my grad school's community. Later this year I'll be graduating, and I just accepted a job in a foreign country that I've never been to (exciting but scary). I'm interested in this series because I've been thinking more and more about what it will be like to start over, and with a lot less support and built-in community than when I moved to New York.
Right now the thought of starting from scratch feels exhausting and terrifying. I'd like to feel confident making friends in a more challenging environment, and even look forward to the opportunity to build a new community!
Truly nothing I am more passionate about than my friendships so I am all for this.
I'm Lauren and I live in Oakland, CA. I grew up in LA, went to college outside of Chicago, lived in NYC after college and now am in grad school. I LOVE my friends and have collected many throughout those different phases of my life. Sadly, not all of them live near me. I've constructed a really good group of friends that are local but I struggle with two things that I'm trying to navigate this year.
1. How do you balance long distance v. short distance friendships? I don't want to feel like I prioritize one over the other, but I do need to nourish the friendships that can come over when I'm sick or whose babies I can say hi to!
2. Growing into partnership and how that fills your time differently
Ok actually I lied I have one more because perhaps it encapsulates the crux of the struggle-- how do you show up as a good friend when you simply don't have as much to give (time, energy, PROXIMITY) to care for your friends in the way you are used to, especially growing up with close female friendships.
Did I answer too much? LOL
UNLIKELY PLACE I MADE A FRIEND
I met another Substack writer at an event in SF and I reminded her twice that we should exchange numbers. EEK! But we ended up getting coffee the next week. We haven't fully transitioned into friendship but we talked about attending a yoga class together and I think that's key to cement the friendship. It's like dating, both people have to give cues about wanting to see each other again but ultimately someone has to take the plunge to invite the other.
Hey, I'll start!
I'm Aliza and I live in Watertown, MA (just outside of Cambridge!). I'm about 1.5 years into motherhood, and one of my goals this year is trying to figure out what a good and fulfilling rhythm around "mom" or "parent" friends would feel like in my life. How many friends do I actually need? What would I like to gain from those friendships?
Something that has been coming up more and more for me is the ease of proximity. Sam and I went to a kids music class at the local library last Saturday, but it was so mobbed (seriously, who knew there were so many babies in my town!?) that I found it too intimidating to strike up a conversation with anyone new. But somewhat unexpectedly, we found ourselves connecting and exchanging numbers with another couple at a local coffeeshop the other day who had a toddler around Jude's age too -- I'm excited to see where that relationship goes!
I can start us off 🥳
My name's Aja (after the 1977 Steely Dan album); I live in Somerville, Massachusetts (a 20-min drive from Aliza and a 15-min walk to Harvard Square); and there are a few things I'm hoping to get out of the training program... I'd like to get more intentional about seeing and staying in touch with my friends, especially the ones who don't live nearby, and I'd also like to better understand what makes me a good friend and where I could be a better one.
Many of my friends were originally friends of friends, BUT I've met a few people through Substack (and am always open to meeting more!)
I think I'm gonna do the last prompt (Share something you’re interested in on social media and ask if anyone else wants to come) which will be a good challenge for me because in the past few years I've gotten irrationally shy around using social.
OK, I'm back! I shared a cool-looking restaurant event (h/t to Aliza, who sent it to me and said "this would be good for your prompt," haha)... and a few people responded, but all existing friends/not in Boston/etc. I think if I tried this again, I'd do something with a less firm date to make it likelier someone interested could do it (e.g. a movie, museum, etc.)
Nonetheless, it was good practice putting myself out there, and I *have* made some progress on the other prompts (will share more next Thursday!) Would love to hear how everyone else is doing :)
I'm Suzanne and I live in Portland, Maine. My hope for this training program and my unlikely friendship find are closely intertwined. I work with many women in their 50s and 60s and there is one in particular who I've really hit it off with. She gave me her daughter's phone number who is now a new friend of mine, but I really want to cultivate a cross-generational friendship with my colleague instead/also! I mentioned to her that I don't just want to be friends with her daughter but also with her and she laughed and asked why I would want to be friends with an 'oldie.' Anyways, I am hoping to be brave and not just take our friendship outside of work but also cultivate some new friends from another generation!
HI all! I'm Liz and I'm on Boston's North Shore. I'm a freelance writer but these days, I'm pretty occupied with my three little boys (ages 6, 5, and 2.5)!
I've moved around quite a bit since college, including several years on the west coast from early 2017- late 2021. Between being so far away from family and friends, plus back-to-back-to-back pregnancies and COVID isolation during this period, my time on the west coast was pretty anti-social and lonely. It's only been recently that I've identified how lonely that time was and how it effected me. I value friendships in a deeper way since then.
I'm beyond grateful for my solid handful of college friends that I've kept in touch with, but we don't see each other all that much as we aren't all local. But thanks to my son starting kindergarten the year we moved back east, as well as an amazing neighborhood, I've started to "grow" my friendship circle and feel so lucky to have found a few really awesome mom friends, as well as reconnect with a few friends that I had here years ago.
But I know that friendships take work and time, and I'm hoping that this series can help me make this a bigger priority and encourage me to make the time to invest in my friendships - and not let being a tired mom be an excuse ;) I'm also hoping to find the strength to be truly myself in friendships, to share my interests (writing, books, home design, pop culture and more) and worries (holy moly motherhood), because I've reach the stage where I really value deeper conversations, honesty - realness.
I have to agree with my friend Amelia who commented a bit earlier regarding a funny place to meet a friend - we recently reconnected when we noticed each others name on an online parent course! I was so glad that she reached out and it has since quickly evolved into a wonderful and growing friendship - we have our sons to bond over but are getting to know each other and our interests as well. It's been lovely :)
Hi! I'm Mollie. I live in Cambridge, MA — right between Harvard and Central Squares, so hello neighbors! I'm turning 30 this year and have been kind of astounded by how much the (generally expected) transitions in mine and my friends' lives are affecting our dynamics in small and big ways. The light abrasion of being at different life stages, the realization that our visions of friendship's place in our lives may be different as we shift into "real adulthood," etc. My hope is that this program helps me cut through some of that awkwardness and identify ways to be more curious and appreciative of our differences.
My favorite unlikely friendship meet-cute was with a cashier at my favorite bagel shop. He was one of so few people I saw regularly during the worst of the pandemic. Week over week we learned more about each other through the take-out window. He's since left that job and we've lost touch, but whenever we bump into each other around the city we're both so excited.
Hi, I'm Margie!
I live in Nashville, Tennessee, which is where I grew up. My comment will probably sound douchey but HONESTY IZ THE NAME OF THE GAME. I have so many life struggles, but making/retaining good friends is not one of them. I'd actually be interested in discussing, as my friend once told me, how to have "less friends, better friends." How can I check my gut when asked to hang out and see if it's really something I want to do, not just feel obligated to do? How can I carve out meaningful time with the friends I already have that isn't centered on watching tv or sitting on the couch (which is great but you know, we gotta go do stuff too)? How do I lean into conflict so that the "better" friends and I keep doing the work to keep our friendship strong? Who can I let go of this year, who I may be occasionally getting drinks or meals with out of guilt?
ALSO, (this is not at all part of the prompt), I have loved using Marco Polo to stay in touch with my three study abroad friends. We've used it for years and it makes me feel close to them. I highly recommend it for friends who live in different cities.
I realize I went completely off base so I'll see y'all in the outfield
Hi! I’m Kaela and I live in Washington, D.C.! I work with Aliza (in fact, she used to be my boss - best boss ever) and am also a new mom.
When I had my daughter, I only had a few friends with kids, so I dove head first into parenting activities (new mom support group, weekly music class, etc) to expand my community. I’ve met SO many awesome people through these activities, but noticed I haven’t really developed any actual relationships, just chatted through WhatsApp or after class. My goal through this challenge is to move from “friendly stranger” to "friend" with a few parents - especially since it’ll benefit my daughter too.
I’ve made a ton of friends, including my best D.C. girlfriends, working at a barre studio! We all worked there in our mid-twenties as a side hustle and ended up finding lifelong friendships. We still visit the studio for a weekly class together. I hate awkward silence, so I always try to strike up conversation with my neighbor at the barre while waiting for class to begin. Sometimes people are open to chatting, sometimes they aren’t :)
Excited for this challenge Aja & Aliza!
Hi everyone! I'm Molly and I live in Minneapolis, MN. I'm excited for this training program because I'd love to have time set aside to reflect on my friendships and ways I can continue to develop truly nourishing relationships. I think one of my goals is to try and keep FOMO out of my social life and focus on being present in important relationships.
I've made new friends through joining recreational sports teams (more specifically, carpooling or biking together to our games). That consistency of games (or a weekly workout class) with people makes it much easier to feel in touch and connected.
I think time and energy are what hold me back from cultivating newer relationships. I would love to make new friends but I feel like I first need to make sure all my other relationships are "solid" aka that I am feeling connected and close to them. This makes me excited to try prompt #2! I'm going to see if any of my friends would be interested in doing something where we each invite someone the other doesn't know very well.
Thanks Aliza and Aja!! I have loved everything else y'all have done with Platonic Love and am super excited about this :)
helloo, ladies!
wow, what a showing for the first day! so impressed, A&A. i'm sarah, and i live in new york city, a place i moved to directly out of college and never intended to stay in for so long (that was 2008, sooo...). early on in my time in new york, i lost an entire friend group at once, and thus, had to get really good (or at least, try to get really good) at making new friends and putting myself out there. initially, this meant joining a myriad of book clubs, as well as getting into group fitness--an unlikely place in which i met a handful of truly wonderful new friends. said wonderful new friends chatted me up in the locker room, asking how often i came to class, or what color nail polish i had on my toes, et voila! friendships were born.
given this experience, you'd think i'd be a pro at saying hi to strangers, but the truth is, doing so STILL terrifies me. if i'm dining alone (something i'll be doing a lot this month as i spend the entirety of february in mexico city!), i always--ALWAYS--bring my kindle as a proverbial security blanket. and if you don't talk to me first, i likely won't talk to you...even if i desperately want to! if you start the convo, i'm golden, but for me to do so requires, at the very least, a couple glasses of wine.
SO! my goal for this program is to get better at being the one to make the first move. wish me luck :)
Hi everyone! I'm Amelia, I live in the country 2 hours north of NYC, am married with 2 teenagers, and am in my late 40s. Making friends as an adult is so much harder once college is over - although I found one exception was the years when kids first start school (preschool or K) which for me were a BONANZA for meeting people in the same stage of life with a lot in common! My favorite way to get to know people and feel out whether we could be friends is through joining a group of some sort - I've made friends with people I wouldn't typically meet through signing up for things like sports classes and volunteer roles. I find that having an activity and being within a group is a good way to feel people out - and if it's a class or volunteer thing, it doesn't have to go on forever. I find "coffee dates" super-awkward and intense!
I'd love to make more writing/content creation friends - I write full-time and it can be so, so lonely!
Hi I'm Brenna :) I live in Napoli, Italy! I have had a heck of a time making friends in my thirties. Since I don't have kids yet, it's that time in our lives when everyone feels like we are in different stages. I try to make friendships with people in all different phases and most importantly, intergenerational friendships!
My most interesting friend I've met since moving to Napoli is a retired man from Northern Ireland. We met at Italian school. He doesn't do well with the internet and he doesn't fly on planes! But we manage to keep in touch via EMAILs to each other about book recommendations. He is such a good writer and his book recommendations are fire.
Another random place I met a friend - at a women in business conference. I was going through a touch time and really needed a new friendship group. I complimented her outfit and her stylish backpack. We had so much in common and hit it off and exchanged numbers. It was great!
Hi hi! (Anyone else watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith??) I'm Heidi. I'm a writer, editor, and mom. I met Aliza through Substack when I invited her to do an interview for my Mothers Who Make series. I met a lot of my friends online, either through networks like Substack or in a class. We bond over shared interests like writing, freelance life, and disability parenting in a way that I can't with IRL friends. Most of my IRL friends live too far away to see very often these days anyways. We do stay in touch with Polos and texts though, and I've found it's frequency and silly details that see us through and keep the relationship feeling alive. Making friends sounds overwhelming, but I would love to find more local people we can ask for help if we're sick or need childcare suddenly. It would be nice to trade with someone and have a real sense of community here.
Hi, Lacey here! I live in Somerville, MA, SUPER close to Aja! The pandemic did a number on my energy levels within the context of social interactions, namely that I sort of forgot how to interact with others in a way that was not incredibly draining. (Note: as someone who scored the HIGHEST you can on the extroversion scale of the Myers-Briggs, this has come as a shock to me!). As I have built back my stamina in the last year, I have remembered just how important connections are to me, especially now that I am an adult and they don't come as readily. While I miss the days of college and early-twenties when all my friends lived within the same building or neighborhood block, I am finding this time in my early thirties to be very special and energizing in a new way. I can't wait to be a part of this conversation!
I recently became good friends with someone who I only loosely knew through a work environment in which both of us were very part-time. However, we bonded over having a shared mutual hatred for a previous work place (sadly common in the mental health world - I'm a therapist) and now we collaborate daily not only as colleagues but as friends! She is about 7 years younger than I am, but that doesn't really seem to mean much to either of us.
I like the idea of the hobby prompt as I have been semi-curious about knitting/crocheting!
Hi!!
My name is Siena and I'm a grad student living in New York City. I moved here two years ago and I feel really lucky to have made great relationships within my grad school's community. Later this year I'll be graduating, and I just accepted a job in a foreign country that I've never been to (exciting but scary). I'm interested in this series because I've been thinking more and more about what it will be like to start over, and with a lot less support and built-in community than when I moved to New York.
Right now the thought of starting from scratch feels exhausting and terrifying. I'd like to feel confident making friends in a more challenging environment, and even look forward to the opportunity to build a new community!
Truly nothing I am more passionate about than my friendships so I am all for this.
I'm Lauren and I live in Oakland, CA. I grew up in LA, went to college outside of Chicago, lived in NYC after college and now am in grad school. I LOVE my friends and have collected many throughout those different phases of my life. Sadly, not all of them live near me. I've constructed a really good group of friends that are local but I struggle with two things that I'm trying to navigate this year.
1. How do you balance long distance v. short distance friendships? I don't want to feel like I prioritize one over the other, but I do need to nourish the friendships that can come over when I'm sick or whose babies I can say hi to!
2. Growing into partnership and how that fills your time differently
Ok actually I lied I have one more because perhaps it encapsulates the crux of the struggle-- how do you show up as a good friend when you simply don't have as much to give (time, energy, PROXIMITY) to care for your friends in the way you are used to, especially growing up with close female friendships.
Did I answer too much? LOL
UNLIKELY PLACE I MADE A FRIEND
I met another Substack writer at an event in SF and I reminded her twice that we should exchange numbers. EEK! But we ended up getting coffee the next week. We haven't fully transitioned into friendship but we talked about attending a yoga class together and I think that's key to cement the friendship. It's like dating, both people have to give cues about wanting to see each other again but ultimately someone has to take the plunge to invite the other.