Links we sent our friends #41
Souvenir tees, chocolate cake, and not one but two(!) special guests
On night four of our Arizona trip, Sam and I (Aja) drove from Sedona to a small town nearby to try a locals’ favorite for dinner. The draw was the barbecue, but the real prize was the drive — we looped around a hill and then swung into a low valley surrounded by Mars-like red rock formations hundreds of feet high. The sun was setting, suffusing the rocks and hills and scrubby Ponderosa pines with a lovely orange light. Sam and I kept repeating “wow” as the beauty unspooled and unspooled.
I looked to my right and saw a guy on a bike. He was grinning ear to ear, clenching his fists and mouthing yes! For a second, the three of us were united in our awe. Then he fell behind us, our turn-off came, and the moment was over. I’m going to remember it for a very long time. (Aliza: Wooow.)
Similar to last week, we have not one but two guests today.
, author of , is sharing some (delicious) links she sent friends, and , founder of , answers all of our questions about friendship…Phoebe is a Brooklyn-based food writer, private chef, and recipe tester/developer. More simply, Phoebe is a Food Person. The Dish launched in 2021 and covers food, life, and her adventures in NYC and beyond.
Phoebe’s Links:
The new Kacey Musgraves music is soothing my soul.
I religiously read Rachel Roddy’s weekly Guardian column A kitchen in Rome. Her recipes are lovely, and her writing is even lovelier: warm, funny, smart!
Obsessed with Caroline O’Donoghue’s podcast Sentimental Garbage, which is about “the culture we love that society can sometimes make us feel ashamed of.” Clever, hilarious conversations about topics like Real Housewives, Shania Twain, and Sex and the City. (Aja: One of my top podcasts, too!)
I swear by this flourless chocolate-almond cake recipe — best served with crème fraîche and fresh raspberries.
- , which delves into cooking and mental health, is my favorite food Substack to read right now. Christina’s vulnerability is so refreshing.
Thanks, Phoebe! If you’re curious about Aliza’s new “hobby” or the salsa I’m loving, check out our guest feature for The Dish.
Aja’s Links:
I used to buy souvenir shirts all the time — until I realized there was a limit to how many souvenir shirts one can reasonably wear. This tee, from a very hip coffee shop/car club in Scottsdale, was the first addition to my collection in a while. Check out their store; there’s gift potential for a car/coffee lover in your life.
Bird lovers, how did you do? (I got a 3/5.)
Vinson Cunningham’s Grub Street Diet nearly brought me to tears (and judging by the comments section, I’m not alone). Promptly bought his new novel, Great Expectations, to read on my flight home from Arizona.
Bookmarking for summer.
As an olive obsessive, this sounds really, really good.
Aliza’s Links:
Hello, fellow 33-year-olds! (Of which, apparently, there are many.) The funniest part — if we’re going to find humor in the whole thing — is that The Daily episode everyone’s talking about came out on Sam’s thirty-third birthday.
The simple dress I’d like to be found living in this spring (if/when spring finally arrives).
If I had a wedding coming up (hi, Aja!) I’d add this entire gorgeous and whimsical glassware collection to my registry. (h/t Erica from A Thing or Two.) (Aja: Ahh, adorable.)
I appreciated
’s on the nose explanation in of why makeup and beauty products≠wellness.
Newsletter we sent our friends:
is the creator of , a popular newsletter (130,000+ subscribers!) where you’ll find all the stuff she might text a close friend — book recommendations, great sweatpants, a new recipe, or something she can’t stop thinking about.Previously, Alisha founded Girls’ Night In, a lifestyle newsletter and media business featured in Vogue and The New York Times. Aliza and I have long admired Alisha from afar and have been thrilled to get to know her better via Substack. For the Friendship Training Program, we asked her about her friendships and how they’ve evolved after having her first kid.
What’s one quality or characteristic that you bring to your friendships that makes you proud?
I’d like to think I’m a thoughtful advice-giver, particularly for any sticky career and work situations. I’ve found that my friends come to me a lot for that. I’m also a pretty good listener and am always down to be there with an open ear when a friend needs to vent. One helpful practice (for both me and my friends) has been to say, “Hey, I’m not looking for advice and just need to vent.” We’re a helpful bunch so we tend to jump into problem-solving mode — but sometimes you just want someone to listen and affirm your feelings.
How has what it means to be a good friend — and what you need from your own friends! — changed since becoming a mom?
I’m still figuring this out. I have more friends who do not have kids [than do] right now. I’ve found that I really value those relationships in a different way. When my day’s been eaten up by worries about starting solids or daycare, it’s nice to have friends who’ll text me about the latest royals gossip or a wild TikTok video.
At the same time, I’ve definitely noticed a need for more mom friends in my area. This doesn’t mean that my non-parent friends aren’t meaningful to me anymore; it just means that I sometimes want to talk to someone who is in the trenches with me, who “gets it” and knows what particular questions to ask. Sometimes I laugh about the questions I used to ask my friends who became parents before I did. I once asked a mom of a one-year-old, “Is she talking yet?” Because I wasn’t sure what else to ask or talk about. I view my past childless self with a lot of empathy, and thus I’m able to view my current friends who don’t have kids with empathy.
This doesn’t mean that my non-parent friends aren’t meaningful to me anymore; it just means that I sometimes want to talk to someone who is in the trenches with me, who “gets it” and knows what particular questions to ask.
You mentioned that you’re thinking about friendship a lot these days — what do you wish we did a better job of recognizing or discussing?
Ugh, so many things. It’s no secret that the U.S. in particular spectacularly fails parents, and moms have become the social safety net for the population. When that’s the baseline, it’s hard to imagine a world where moms have time for literally anything else, and cultivating friendships is often the first thing to go.
Because of this, I think a lot about the conveniences and inconveniences of friendship. You have to squeeze connections into your daily/weekly routine somehow. I’m still figuring this out. I’m a systems thinker, so I love when I hear about people who do things like hosting a weekly Friday night dinner with friends. I have this theory that establishing rituals like this is the only way to consistently see friends.
It’s hard to imagine a world where moms have time for literally anything else, and cultivating friendships is often the first thing to go.
I also think about location a lot. I envy the families who live in cities with closer proximity and travel times, like Brooklyn or NYC, where it feels kind of natural to casually pop over to a friend’s house. (Though I’m sure the families who live there will say it is just as much work. I’m actually curious to hear if the grass is truly greener on the other side.)
I recently had a very good friend move two doors down from me (literally the dream)... and then of course we promptly moved away a few months after. I’m curious to see how my relationships evolve as we now live deeper in “the suburbs” where you can’t simply stroll over to someone’s place.
What’s your ideal friend date?
I love casual hosting at home (I mean I did run a brand called Girls’ Night In…!) It’s got to be getting together with a few friends to watch a bad TV show like The Bachelor or Love Island with takeout and a glass of wine. I also love a good theme — hosting a potluck around a general theme feels ideal and comforting, too.
Tell us about a time when you tried to make a friend – but it failed.
I once reached out to someone who I sort of knew professionally; we mutually admired one another via the internet. When she moved to D.C., we made plans to see each other. I went over to her place — and it was just fine! But I think at that time, we realized we were in different places in life and might have different interests. She had a rambunctious toddler and was taking a career pause; meanwhile, I was childless and trying to figure out some career stuff. It was one of those things where you realize that you can’t get past the surface-level things in a conversation, and you’ll likely never get past them. Which is totally okay.
Tell us about a time when you took a risk to try and make a friend – and it worked?
This one’s a bit in progress, but I recently asked for someone’s number. She’s also a new mom who lives in our neighborhood and is a part of our bigger “friend group,” but we only see each other by happenstance. We mentioned going to the park one day with our little ones, so I’m hoping we can make it happen.
For more on friendship, including how to deepen your existing relationships and cultivate new ones (including de-stigmatizing asking for a number!), check out the Friendship Training Program.
Question we sent our friends:
Sam and I (Aja) finally bought a king-size bed (!!!!!!!!) and so I’m starting from scratch, accessories-wise. What’s helping make your bed a respite from the world? Give me all the recommendations. (Aliza: Ooohh yes, I can’t wait for these responses.)
Platonic Love is an affiliate-free publication, meaning we don’t generate any revenue from the links we share so you feel 100% confident in our recommendations. If you’re enjoying the newsletter, please consider showing your support by liking, commenting, and/or upgrading to a paid subscription. Talk to you on Thursday!
Welcome to the world of a king-sized bed!! They are life-changing and there's nothing better than finally having all the room in the world. When we upgraded, I bought another set of Casper pillows (my favorite) so we could have three rows going across and then one set of king sized pillows and shams to match our duvet cover (for those keeping score, yes - that means we have eight pillows before you even get to throw pillows). I also purchased one of those thin, long pillows to go across the bed as a throw pillow and think it's perfect for adding a bit of color to our all white bedding. Also, I personally feel like a duvet cover with texture is a must with a king because the bedding became much more of a "feature" in our room with a larger bed and this helped make it look a little more fun. Sorry if this doesn't answer your question but I'm passionate about bedding so had to share. Xo!
Loved the Alisha feature. Also laughed because "Is she talking yet?" is totally something I (a non-mom) would ask, haha.
Parachute down pillows are my go-to if you like a super soft, airy pillow!