Issue #22: How Leslie Stephens has befriended her body over time
Plus, her essential reading list
Aliza and I had read
’ writing for years but only (unbeknownst to each other) became dedicated readers of her newsletter when she announced she was getting divorced… and would be documenting her way through the process.I remember sitting in Aliza’s car outside my apartment, unwilling to climb out until we’d finished discussing Morning Person.
“I’m so impressed by her honesty and self-awareness,” I said. “I can’t imagine how it would feel to share what she does on the internet.”
Of course, several months later, Aliza and I are following in Leslie’s footsteps: writing (what we hope are) candid, vulnerable pieces about being a woman and navigating friendships and shifting lifestyles in our late twenties to mid-thirties. Not surprisingly, we often reference Leslie’s writing in our own.
When we came up with our dream list of interviewees for this Body Image series, Leslie was at the top. Along with being an incredible writer, she’s currently earning her Master’s in Professional Mental Health Counseling with a Specialization in Addiction. (She intends to treat people struggling with social media addiction and women going through major life changes.) And she’s a novelist: her debut book, You’re Safe Here, is coming out next year.
Leslie talked with us about how her relationship with her body has changed over time, Instagram has impacted her self image, body-centric conversations with friends go, and more.
Aliza and Aja: When was your first moment of body consciousness — a moment you learned the world might see your body as imperfect?
Leslie: Like most people, I became aware of my body during middle school. Most of my conversations with friends in seventh and eighth grade revolved around a shared hatred of our bodies, a belief we parroted from the media. Magazines are far from perfect now, but eating disorders were definitely glamorized in the teen magazines and YA books we passed back and forth in the early 2000s. Some of them served as “how-to” guides for restriction.
It’s difficult to say if I had a diagnosable eating disorder, but I remember thinking, “I wish I could be less obsessed with my body.”
In high school, my obsession gradually loosened its grip as I competed in sports that emphasized strength: running, wrestling, and skiing.
I’m also lucky my home was mostly a safe haven from diet culture. Although my mom had her fair share of Suzanne Somers books, she loves cooking and always made meals that celebrate whole foods (an enormous privilege I was fortunate to grow up with). It took years of getting to know my body, and understanding the toxicity of social messaging around “beauty,” to fully befriend it and arrive at the place I am now.
Tell us more.
I think about my body differently: from a place of genuine gratitude and embodiment.
In my 20s, I worked as a food writer and attended daily fitness classes to maintain the “machinery” of my body as Jia Tolentino writes about here. I was in shape, but there was a huge disconnect. I ate and drank with reckless abandon at night — sometimes for work, sometimes because I was a 23-year-old in New York — then robotically followed an instructor’s demands at 6 AM spin and barre classes.
I felt like shit, but I looked “fit” — which is often a euphemism for “thin.”
Then I moved to Los Angeles and fully drank the adaptogenic, celery juice Kool-Aid. I was drinking less alcohol and eating healthier, yet still had all the bodily attunement of a robot.
My 30s feel like a balancing of the pendulum. I exercise regularly, rarely drink alcohol, and eat whole foods, but I do so while checking in with my body.
I felt like shit, but I looked “fit.”
This year, at 31, I began tracking my menstrual cycle for the first time in my life and realized I feel wildly different at various points of my cycle. I no longer schedule workout classes more than a few hours in advance, so I can check in with my body first. I love to cook and have an awareness of nutrition but my approach to food is far more nuanced than any hard and fast rules. I’m much more aware of the ways different foods make my body feel. In listening to a podcast recently on glucose spikes, I realized that I already do many of the tips the nutritionist recommended, like walking for ten minutes after meals and pairing starches with fats, because of how I feel when I do them.
All of my bodily considerations are around, “How do I feel? What do I need?” At the same time, there’s space for balance in everything — when ice cream calls, I answer.
How does having a public presence change, shape, or influence your relationship to your body and self image?
I never set out to have a public presence. When I began writing for a popular lifestyle blog, I was largely surprised when people began to follow me on Instagram.
At first, it was a total high — instead of ten people, hundreds of people were liking what I posted! I began to live my life for Instagram. My sense of Self was so wrapped up in my image that I believed everything people commented, whether they were telling me I was pretty, ugly, mean, or kind. It was such a roller coaster that I had to delete my Instagram for a year to recenter myself.
These days, I am much more grounded in my Self and care far less about how I come across online. I like myself in a way that’s more genuine and deeper than ever before. It’s part of why I’m able to share so vulnerably on Morning Person.
When it comes to talking about bodies, or sharing photos of myself, I’m acutely aware that every person is different but I feel happy and healthy in mine.
What role does body image play in your friendships?
My friends and I often talk about our bodies — we live in them everyday! Mostly, our conversations around bodies are about sharing information, like, “I’ve found drinking coffee later in the day helps my stomach hurt less,” or “I had this experience with my IUD.”
Body positivity can sometimes feel like toxic positivity and can be isolating for someone who does not yet fully love their body.
I feel that in a loving friendship, it’s safe to share the times we aren’t thrilled with our bodies. Body positivity can sometimes feel like toxic positivity and can be isolating for someone who does not yet fully love their body. Sometimes we talk about the ways in which our bodies frustrate us, and I think it’s important to hold space for those valid emotions… while being careful not to perpetuate the myths around “normal” and “perfect” many of us are in the lifelong process of unlearning.
That’s so important. Is there any content on body image or related topics you’d recommend to our readers?
Hillary McBride’s research and writing on embodiment is essential reading. I recommend her book The Wisdom of Your Body and love her interview on Glennon Doyle’s podcast. (Glennon has also done an amazing job of documenting her own recovery from anorexia.)
The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor is another wonderful book. As she writes, “Making peace with your body is your mighty act of revolution.”
Again, I adore Jia Tolentino — I mentioned her article on barre above and also recommend her piece on Ozempic.1 I also enjoy the “Maintenance Phase” podcast, which debunks a lot of myths around weight.
Finally, I cannot say enough good things about cookbooks. They are celebrations of food and cooking that, I believe, encourage enjoyment over restriction.
We hope you enjoyed this conversation and insights from Leslie as much as we did. For more of her beautiful and candid reflections, check out Morning Person.
Before you go:
Next Thursday, Aliza’s delving into her relationship to her body one-year postpartum.
And, ICYMI, our most popular links from Monday were the perfect t-shirt (guess everyone can use another one of those!) and a well-curated vintage Etsy shop.
Have a great weekend,
A + A
For more, I’d also recommend listening to The Daily’s well-rounded reporting on Ozempic — it just happened to be released earlier this week! - Aliza
Love this series so much and the recommended reading. Cleansing my social feeds of diety accounts (as a fitness instructor that was a LOT) and starting to read/listen to pods/follow body neutral/actual health focused accounts made SUCH a difference in my journey from toxic fitness culture to intuitive wellness. This is great work!
Love this series! Thank you for including me!