Thank you so much for highlighting these women! I am proud to say I subscribed to two new newsletters as a result of this, you can't imagine how hard it is to train the algorithm to feed you content from single gals.
I've found that women my age generally follow women who are married / partnered with kids, who talk exclusively about that lifestyle all the time. It can be a big comparison trap! They'll recommend a $300 vase, and while their taste is something I appreciate, I then have to remember they're going home to a husband who works at a hedge fund.
As one of the more vocal single commenters on this corner of Substack, I'm constantly reminding authors that it is sooo important to lift up voices of women who didn't follow a traditional path. Thanks again for not only focusing on your experience as partered women in a time when many of us are on a different journey.
That was definitely one of our goals with this piece — thank you so much for the comment!
And one very gentle call-out of my own... as the breadwinner in my relationship, I'm very conscious of people automatically assuming my fiance makes the money. Curious why affording a $300 vase has to come from the husband working at the hedge fund rather than the wife? :)
You’re right - that was a bad assumption on my end! As a woman who’s always been the higher earner in my relationships, it’s frustrating when people think the man is making more than his female partner.
But, I would like to kindly push back and say there’s a lot of couple privilege out there - and we can take the influencer and the hedge fund manager as an example. Would she have time to write without her partner taking care of things around the house so she can balance a full-time job and creative pursuits? Can she quit that full-time job and pursue the life of an influencer because her husband can provide health care? Since she has the security of a second income to pay rent or a mortgage, there are also likely less concerns of purchasing that $300 vase.
I’m no stranger to buying myself nice things without a partner’s help! But it’s a little different for me, even if I'm essentially making two salaries. Those nicer, big purchases come with the weight of knowing I’m also paying rent solo, managing my time without help of someone managing household duties, and budgeting without a safety net.
To clarify: I love this writer’s taste, that’s why I pay to read her content! But I always have to take her recommendations with a grain of salt, knowing she’s in a very different financial situation than mine. Sharing a great WSJ gift link on what this looks like for solo earners:
I love the discussion - this is definitely something we should be talking more about! Shani Silver has a lot of great writing on this, maybe she can be a Monday guest sometime :)
Ooh, we should definitely write about the single tax — agreed, it’s a very real phenomenon and not talked about enough. Thank you for the suggestion! And we’ll reach out to Shani Silver too; I loved her R29 column!
I just had a conversation with a friend yesterday who said - " I wish I had thought about things like how a person solves problems rather than if they liked me back when choosing a partner," and it's so true how these are the things that really matter when you're trying to make it for the long haul! Love this post <3
This is timely! A friend tonight just asked me what I was looking for and I told her now that I’m in my mid 30s, the things I cared about in my 20s I’ve learned are no longer important or relevant to me!
This really struck a chord — the “Twenty Questions” syndrome is so real, especially in cities where ambition replaces actual connection. I love the idea of asking about someone’s best friend — it opens the door to depth without sounding like an interview.
I actually built a tiny side project called Charmly (https://charmly.replit.app) for moments like this — when you’re trying to steer dating convos toward something more human, but you’re stuck in dry small talk. It gives tone-aware reply suggestions and little strategy nudges, depending on your vibe.
Not a business, just something I made out of my own frustration — would love your thoughts if you ever try it!
This crosses over well as I’m looking to make friends. I recently took the leap of introducing myself in a shared interest local group chat and I…struggled. The old resume-style rundown felt so off, and reading this really helped me understand why. It also helped me think about the types of conversations I would love to have as I’m building new friendships in the spirit of - Who are we in relation to? How do we navigate life’s ups and downs? How are we making meaning and beauty in our lives and the wider world?
Thank you so much for highlighting these women! I am proud to say I subscribed to two new newsletters as a result of this, you can't imagine how hard it is to train the algorithm to feed you content from single gals.
I've found that women my age generally follow women who are married / partnered with kids, who talk exclusively about that lifestyle all the time. It can be a big comparison trap! They'll recommend a $300 vase, and while their taste is something I appreciate, I then have to remember they're going home to a husband who works at a hedge fund.
As one of the more vocal single commenters on this corner of Substack, I'm constantly reminding authors that it is sooo important to lift up voices of women who didn't follow a traditional path. Thanks again for not only focusing on your experience as partered women in a time when many of us are on a different journey.
That was definitely one of our goals with this piece — thank you so much for the comment!
And one very gentle call-out of my own... as the breadwinner in my relationship, I'm very conscious of people automatically assuming my fiance makes the money. Curious why affording a $300 vase has to come from the husband working at the hedge fund rather than the wife? :)
You’re right - that was a bad assumption on my end! As a woman who’s always been the higher earner in my relationships, it’s frustrating when people think the man is making more than his female partner.
But, I would like to kindly push back and say there’s a lot of couple privilege out there - and we can take the influencer and the hedge fund manager as an example. Would she have time to write without her partner taking care of things around the house so she can balance a full-time job and creative pursuits? Can she quit that full-time job and pursue the life of an influencer because her husband can provide health care? Since she has the security of a second income to pay rent or a mortgage, there are also likely less concerns of purchasing that $300 vase.
I’m no stranger to buying myself nice things without a partner’s help! But it’s a little different for me, even if I'm essentially making two salaries. Those nicer, big purchases come with the weight of knowing I’m also paying rent solo, managing my time without help of someone managing household duties, and budgeting without a safety net.
To clarify: I love this writer’s taste, that’s why I pay to read her content! But I always have to take her recommendations with a grain of salt, knowing she’s in a very different financial situation than mine. Sharing a great WSJ gift link on what this looks like for solo earners:
https://www.wsj.com/personal-finance/inflation-widens-married-couples-money-lead-over-their-single-friends-11660511872?st=CKe9DR&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink
I love the discussion - this is definitely something we should be talking more about! Shani Silver has a lot of great writing on this, maybe she can be a Monday guest sometime :)
Ooh, we should definitely write about the single tax — agreed, it’s a very real phenomenon and not talked about enough. Thank you for the suggestion! And we’ll reach out to Shani Silver too; I loved her R29 column!
Thank you for including me in this!! ❤️
I just had a conversation with a friend yesterday who said - " I wish I had thought about things like how a person solves problems rather than if they liked me back when choosing a partner," and it's so true how these are the things that really matter when you're trying to make it for the long haul! Love this post <3
This is an awesome one. Thank you !!
Very happy to be included here! Love yall!
I love love love this
This is timely! A friend tonight just asked me what I was looking for and I told her now that I’m in my mid 30s, the things I cared about in my 20s I’ve learned are no longer important or relevant to me!
Honored to be included :))
Honored to include you! 💛 thanks for sharing, Lily
Thank you for including me in this. Loved getting to read how other women in their 30s are approaching dating. Some really great advice here!
Thanks so much for sharing, Jess! 💛
This really struck a chord — the “Twenty Questions” syndrome is so real, especially in cities where ambition replaces actual connection. I love the idea of asking about someone’s best friend — it opens the door to depth without sounding like an interview.
I actually built a tiny side project called Charmly (https://charmly.replit.app) for moments like this — when you’re trying to steer dating convos toward something more human, but you’re stuck in dry small talk. It gives tone-aware reply suggestions and little strategy nudges, depending on your vibe.
Not a business, just something I made out of my own frustration — would love your thoughts if you ever try it!
This crosses over well as I’m looking to make friends. I recently took the leap of introducing myself in a shared interest local group chat and I…struggled. The old resume-style rundown felt so off, and reading this really helped me understand why. It also helped me think about the types of conversations I would love to have as I’m building new friendships in the spirit of - Who are we in relation to? How do we navigate life’s ups and downs? How are we making meaning and beauty in our lives and the wider world?