I actually had so much trouble watching this show (didn't get past the second episode) because I couldn't help but resent how the hyper-fixation on appearance started to make me feel about my own body postpartum -- regardless of whether or not these women were 10+ years younger than me or not. It didn't feel good.
And Alex, thank you, as always, for your openness, authenticity, and willingness to share with us. I learned so much from you!
Aliza, I felt similarly about the show - I couldn't get past the 2nd episode but for slightly different reasons. I can't stand to watch a show where women and their choices are turned into fodder for shock value and judgment. I know these women participated of their own free will but I feel that there's a strong subtext of judgment and ridicule when it comes to how they behave and dress and live - and in this case contrasted with the prescriptive rules of their faith. It makes me feel bad to participate in it by watching and I don't feel like this kind of show is helpful to women in any way. Although - if it provides financial stability and freedom to these women, then maybe it's worth something.
Amelia, this is such a good point. I actually struggle with this when it comes to reality TV in general — it's one of my favorite forms of entertainment, but it's highly exploitative. The most common thing I hear people say when they're describing "good" reality TV is: "The people are *crazy.*" What does that say??
This is how I feel about a lot of reality TV too, @Amelia @Aja! Why I couldn't get into Vanderpump Rules for example. And @Aliza, I had to stop watching the Bachelor for the same reason.
I appreciate the thoughtfulness in doing this interview. I am a Mormon with very nuanced and complicated faith like Alex, and while I’m sure our choices are hard to wrap your head around, you treated this subject with respect and grace. Though I think the show says more about Utah Mormon culture specifically than the church, I appreciate that it, like this interview, shows that more and more church members are trying to forge their own paths. After a lot of time contemplating my faith, I’ve come to the conclusion that everyday we all make choices that are complicated and go against our values. Why do I choose to still live in America when so many other developed countries are more caring when it comes to healthcare, parental leave, affordable education, and owning its history of racism? Why do I keep buying things from Amazon when I don’t think billionaires should exist? Why do I drive an SUV and enjoy eating burgers when I care deeply about the planet? I chose to believe we are all trying to do and be the best we can, but that looks different person to person. So while my choice to still participate in this religion doesn’t make sense to many (which I totally understand!) it’s has made me a lot less judgmental of the choices other people make. Thank you again for this interview, which represents so much of how I feel.
Thank you, Moriah, what a lovely comment. I'm so glad you could relate to it. Yes, absolutely — to be human is to make contradictory choices. I'm not sure if that means we should embrace those contradictions – it feels like a positive thing to notice when we're making a decision that goes against our values and try to course-correct, at least a little bit — but living in total alignment all the time is impossible.
I love that this has helped you be less judgmental of others' choices; that's a really wonderful outcome.
Thank you so much Moriah. I really think we're all trying our best. And you said it so well -- I know staying in the church doesn't make sense to some people, and that's okay.
I had to leave for many of the reasons mentioned in the article (and many other ones too!). But I have a great respect for people like this that stay, but understand the failings of the church.
There’s the position that “if I leave the church, all that will be left are the people not asking questions, not pushing for change, etc. and the church will get worse and more dangerous for the families left behind”
I understand that. If every democrat fled to Europe after trump was elected, Biden never would have won the next time. Sometimes you have to be the change from within, which I think we are seeing happen slowly in the Mormon church.
Although I can’t be a part of that movement from the inside — I decided to leave — I understand and appreciate those that stay.
I loved reading this interview and getting a chance to dive deeper into a different perspective than my own. I grew up in Texas as a non-religious person, which was pretty hard and isolating at times. It's so important to be able to hear different perspectives and understand people's religious experiences. The reminder that no group of people is a monolith is always needed. Thanks for your great work!
Wow, that sounds tough — it's so hard to be different as a kid, especially when it comes to something as all-encompassing and community-based as religion. I'm really impressed at the grace and empathy you've clearly developed from the experience.
Such a good interview. I think Alex’s feelings are similar to a lot of us who are progressive and religious right now - Mormon, Jew, Christian, whatever. These institutions can be so inherently regressive and it’s powerful to make your own place within them!
Thank you so much for this article. Often times specific religious groups get painted with broad stroke. But we completely miss the nuance, the deeply personal experiences, the spectrum of beliefs that exist within a religious group when we believe the narrative. We need more journalism like this - open, honest, and allowing me to encounter the other. Thank you thank you!
This was such a lovely note — but especially your use of "journalism." I'm not a journalist by trade, but it FELT like journalism to plan, write, and edit this one. Thank you 💛
I was only five minutes into the show and just could not continue watching—lol. As a Muslim woman who doesn’t wear hijab or "follow all the rules," I found this conversation really interesting to read.
This is a really thoughtful interview and I don’t doubt Alex’s intentionality and openness to creating a faith that is evolving and inclusive. That being said, as someone who grew up in a fundamentalist religion myself, I think it’s really hard to name yourself as a Mormon (or evangelical Christian for that matter) and not have it mean that you ascribe to a belief system that is inherently exclusionary. These are systems built on racism, sexism, and bigotry and have done extensive harm to countless numbers of people all over the world. The church may be changing, but it’s roots are the same. The harm can’t be undone. And for me, I knew what was true and that truth was completely incompatible with the belief system that I loved. As I’ve seen in my own life and the lives of so many of my friends and family, if you are truly committed to equality, acceptance, and love, at a certain point you will have to make a choice.
Elizabeth, thanks for your respectful comment. Clearly we have very different feelings around religion, and I think that’s ok. My heart goes out to you for the hurt and harm you have experienced and I wish you the best. My DM’s are open if you ever want to talk.
This was such a thoughtful and important interview and I really respect Alex for being open and airing her concerns and conflicts with the church. Between the show and high-profile Mormon bloggers/influencers, its easy to come to blanket conclusions as an outsider and Alex's experience and perspective reminds us that nothing is ever black and white, and I personally needed to hear her perspective to remember that.
Thank you so much for sharing this perspective. It is as unsettling as it is interesting. It’s great to be able to open up dialogue in a world where we’re more and more sprawl against each other rather than sharing views and opinions in an open way. Great interview!
This is really thoughtful and well done. I’ve never seen the show but I’m going to investigate it now. You don’t see much feature-style interview content like this on Substack - I’m into it!! 🩵
I actually had so much trouble watching this show (didn't get past the second episode) because I couldn't help but resent how the hyper-fixation on appearance started to make me feel about my own body postpartum -- regardless of whether or not these women were 10+ years younger than me or not. It didn't feel good.
And Alex, thank you, as always, for your openness, authenticity, and willingness to share with us. I learned so much from you!
Aliza, I felt similarly about the show - I couldn't get past the 2nd episode but for slightly different reasons. I can't stand to watch a show where women and their choices are turned into fodder for shock value and judgment. I know these women participated of their own free will but I feel that there's a strong subtext of judgment and ridicule when it comes to how they behave and dress and live - and in this case contrasted with the prescriptive rules of their faith. It makes me feel bad to participate in it by watching and I don't feel like this kind of show is helpful to women in any way. Although - if it provides financial stability and freedom to these women, then maybe it's worth something.
Amelia, this is such a good point. I actually struggle with this when it comes to reality TV in general — it's one of my favorite forms of entertainment, but it's highly exploitative. The most common thing I hear people say when they're describing "good" reality TV is: "The people are *crazy.*" What does that say??
This is how I feel about a lot of reality TV too, @Amelia @Aja! Why I couldn't get into Vanderpump Rules for example. And @Aliza, I had to stop watching the Bachelor for the same reason.
I appreciate the thoughtfulness in doing this interview. I am a Mormon with very nuanced and complicated faith like Alex, and while I’m sure our choices are hard to wrap your head around, you treated this subject with respect and grace. Though I think the show says more about Utah Mormon culture specifically than the church, I appreciate that it, like this interview, shows that more and more church members are trying to forge their own paths. After a lot of time contemplating my faith, I’ve come to the conclusion that everyday we all make choices that are complicated and go against our values. Why do I choose to still live in America when so many other developed countries are more caring when it comes to healthcare, parental leave, affordable education, and owning its history of racism? Why do I keep buying things from Amazon when I don’t think billionaires should exist? Why do I drive an SUV and enjoy eating burgers when I care deeply about the planet? I chose to believe we are all trying to do and be the best we can, but that looks different person to person. So while my choice to still participate in this religion doesn’t make sense to many (which I totally understand!) it’s has made me a lot less judgmental of the choices other people make. Thank you again for this interview, which represents so much of how I feel.
Thank you, Moriah, what a lovely comment. I'm so glad you could relate to it. Yes, absolutely — to be human is to make contradictory choices. I'm not sure if that means we should embrace those contradictions – it feels like a positive thing to notice when we're making a decision that goes against our values and try to course-correct, at least a little bit — but living in total alignment all the time is impossible.
I love that this has helped you be less judgmental of others' choices; that's a really wonderful outcome.
That was so well said. Thank you.
Thank you so much Moriah. I really think we're all trying our best. And you said it so well -- I know staying in the church doesn't make sense to some people, and that's okay.
Former Mormon here. I loved this interview.
I had to leave for many of the reasons mentioned in the article (and many other ones too!). But I have a great respect for people like this that stay, but understand the failings of the church.
There’s the position that “if I leave the church, all that will be left are the people not asking questions, not pushing for change, etc. and the church will get worse and more dangerous for the families left behind”
I understand that. If every democrat fled to Europe after trump was elected, Biden never would have won the next time. Sometimes you have to be the change from within, which I think we are seeing happen slowly in the Mormon church.
Although I can’t be a part of that movement from the inside — I decided to leave — I understand and appreciate those that stay.
Hi Jared, thank you for reading — I really appreciate your perspective (and kind note).
Jared, you get me. 💛
I am so impressed by the variety of subjects y’all write about! Thank you! I always look forward to reading your newsletter.
Aw, thank you Lindsey — that means a lot!
I loved reading this interview and getting a chance to dive deeper into a different perspective than my own. I grew up in Texas as a non-religious person, which was pretty hard and isolating at times. It's so important to be able to hear different perspectives and understand people's religious experiences. The reminder that no group of people is a monolith is always needed. Thanks for your great work!
Wow, that sounds tough — it's so hard to be different as a kid, especially when it comes to something as all-encompassing and community-based as religion. I'm really impressed at the grace and empathy you've clearly developed from the experience.
Thank you for your respectful take, Kyli. 💛
Such a good interview. I think Alex’s feelings are similar to a lot of us who are progressive and religious right now - Mormon, Jew, Christian, whatever. These institutions can be so inherently regressive and it’s powerful to make your own place within them!
So beautifully said, Liz!
Room for all, I say! Thanks Liz :)
Thank you so much for this article. Often times specific religious groups get painted with broad stroke. But we completely miss the nuance, the deeply personal experiences, the spectrum of beliefs that exist within a religious group when we believe the narrative. We need more journalism like this - open, honest, and allowing me to encounter the other. Thank you thank you!
This was such a lovely note — but especially your use of "journalism." I'm not a journalist by trade, but it FELT like journalism to plan, write, and edit this one. Thank you 💛
I was only five minutes into the show and just could not continue watching—lol. As a Muslim woman who doesn’t wear hijab or "follow all the rules," I found this conversation really interesting to read.
I’ve heard from a few friends they couldn’t watch, either — and of course, a bunch who couldn’t look away. Thanks for your note, Rojeen 💛
This is a really thoughtful interview and I don’t doubt Alex’s intentionality and openness to creating a faith that is evolving and inclusive. That being said, as someone who grew up in a fundamentalist religion myself, I think it’s really hard to name yourself as a Mormon (or evangelical Christian for that matter) and not have it mean that you ascribe to a belief system that is inherently exclusionary. These are systems built on racism, sexism, and bigotry and have done extensive harm to countless numbers of people all over the world. The church may be changing, but it’s roots are the same. The harm can’t be undone. And for me, I knew what was true and that truth was completely incompatible with the belief system that I loved. As I’ve seen in my own life and the lives of so many of my friends and family, if you are truly committed to equality, acceptance, and love, at a certain point you will have to make a choice.
Hi Elizabeth, I think this is a critical perspective... thank you for taking the time to write a comment. You've really nailed the crux of the piece.
Elizabeth, thanks for your respectful comment. Clearly we have very different feelings around religion, and I think that’s ok. My heart goes out to you for the hurt and harm you have experienced and I wish you the best. My DM’s are open if you ever want to talk.
This was (as always) an excellent interview and so well written! Thank you for this honest conversation Alex and Aja!
Aww, you're the best Allie — thank you.
Thanks Allie! 💛
This was such a thoughtful and important interview and I really respect Alex for being open and airing her concerns and conflicts with the church. Between the show and high-profile Mormon bloggers/influencers, its easy to come to blanket conclusions as an outsider and Alex's experience and perspective reminds us that nothing is ever black and white, and I personally needed to hear her perspective to remember that.
Thank you so much Carly. I'm an open book for anyone who ever has q's about anything Mormon-esque, you can DM me anytime :)
So did I! Thanks Carly <3
Thank you so much for sharing this perspective. It is as unsettling as it is interesting. It’s great to be able to open up dialogue in a world where we’re more and more sprawl against each other rather than sharing views and opinions in an open way. Great interview!
Thank you, Garance, I really appreciate your note.
This is really thoughtful and well done. I’ve never seen the show but I’m going to investigate it now. You don’t see much feature-style interview content like this on Substack - I’m into it!! 🩵