Good for you!! No one - I mean NO ONE - should ever fall victim to the Shoulds in life. Don’t compare, ignore the FOMO (which is bullshit anyway) and make the choices that work for you! My mom used to say that unless someone is paying your bills, their opinions and judgements don’t matter a damn.
I’m a home-owner, but still resonate deeply with this post! My husband and I purchased our current home two years ago- it not needing any major renovations or updates was a huge selling point for us. We have since spent over $20,000 (in barely two years) on what are basically ‘freak accidents’. (This total also would have been at about $55,000 if it weren’t for homeowners insurance *just barely* deciding to cover a water leak.) The idea that owning is the only sensible / responsible / adult way to live is total bs. Comparing it to choosing whether or not to have children is a perfect example- there’s no one ‘right’ path for anyone. 💕
Thank you for the lovely note Tiffany. Home-owners very welcome here ♥️ I've heard from a loooot of folks that those "freak accidents" can happen without warning — and often simultaneously — and get very pricey. So glad your insurance covered that water leak!!
Homeowner over here, and same! Most recently, a tree (planted by the city decades ago) in my front yard died. After getting 10+ quotes—the highest of which was $9,500!—we paid a cool $5k to get it taken down. Just one example of many in the past few years of unanticipated expenses we've had to deal with.
We absolutely love our home, but there are a zillion hidden costs to homeownership that don't get talked about nearly enough. The pervasive wisdom/assumption that homeownership is the best path for everyone is just not the case.
I just did the math last night on how much I’ve spent on rent after I resigned the lease for the house I’m renting that’s gorgeous and perfect for me. Started to think “omg I’d have so much equity in a house right now” but this post helped me reframe. As a single woman, I have so many aspects of my life that I alone manage the weight of. Not having to worry about replacing a roof or an HVAC or property taxes doubling is such a relief!
I am so glad you found a rental that's gorgeous and perfect — and doesn't leave you in bed at night thinking, What if this went wrong? What if this broke? etc. That peace of mind is priceless!
Aja is doing the right thing here. While buying a house can be a big part of your future wealth, if you rent and invest in low-cost index funds instead (the younger the better and don’t panic with market fluctuations- start viewing market downturns as “stocks on sale!”), you’ll have that wealth down the road. (Full disclosure: hubs and I are homeowners who do what maintenance we can around the house, but are staring at a $25,000 window replacement (40-year old windows) and $15,000 stucco job. Not happening any time soon…. And yes, having a kid is what changed us from renters to homeowners. 😁).
Thanks so much for writing about your experience - I feel this times 100 as a single woman. If I lose my job, it’s just me who has to figure out how to pay a mortgage! I may feel differently in the future, but for now the idea of being solely responsible for all those things is real. I’m glad I rent and save thousands doing so.
Also, I don’t think people understand how much help millennials who are homebuyers are getting from others. Most of my friends who’ve bought had family help. A popular influencer whose been detailing her homebuying experience could only do so because a family member paid for her college, and her divorce from a wealthy man in tech secured thousands of dollars she wouldn’t have had on her own. Many people get lucky in this space and don’t understand the inequity in our society that outright shuts out people of color who do not come from generational wealth. Phew ok, getting off my soapbox.
Also, that NYT rent or buy calculator is gold (sharing again here so people check it out!)
"Also, I don’t think people understand how much help millennials who are homebuyers are getting from others." Absolutely. I really admire the people in my life who are open about the help they've gotten from their family — I definitely don't begrudge anyone that, but I think when it's hidden it can make people who *aren't* getting that assist feel unjustifiably ashamed or less capable.
I've always thought of myself as a lifelong renter even before the current economics made it more logical not to buy. I never understood the idea of a dream house. I have SO many other dreams -- but I've never had a dream house, or a dream wedding, for the same reason I don't have a dream job. I don't dream of labor!!! 😆
HA Amrita I'm currently in the process of planning a wedding — not something I ever dreamed about, either — and you are so right. I have never worked this hard to spend (so much!!) money 🤪
I love my house, and there's something about having my space and garden that's been good for me, but you make a STRONG argument for renting!! Having a house also comes with 15 million responsibilities that, living alone, I was not entirely prepared for. There's a chance that I'll sell mine in 5 years and go back to renting! Loved reading your take on it!
From the pics I’ve seen, your place is *so* lovely! And given all the change the last few years have brought, I can imagine it’s also grounding to have your own place. Love that you’re open to renting in the future — I think we should feel comfortable flipping between renting and owning depending on what’s best at the time. (Versus assuming that once you buy you can never go back.)
As a homeowner who hasn't received help from family, I fully support this message! 😂 Everything comes with pluses and minuses but I'd be lying if I didn't say that being 100% responsible for issues in our home (and yep we had 4 inches of water in our basement last summer and are still in the wake of the consequences) is a real pain in the keister. And perhaps were also gluttons for pain because I favor old homes and this 1940s beast, complete with lead paint and questionable electricity and plumbing, has had us on the verge of moving our family of 6 into an Airstream and traveling the country mortgage-free more times than I can count. All that to say, good for you. I'm glad narratives like this have a platform to be told on.
Congratulations on buying a home independently— that’s amazing! And I bet your 1940s beast is absolutely gorgeous, flooding and all. But it does seem like many homeowners have mixed feelings about the situation!
Thank you so much for this post! I feel so similarly - I love my apartment and love not having to deal with the issues that come up. I always tell myself by choosing to rent, I’m paying for peace of mind. And I really do get annoyed when people frame this decision as throwing money away when it’s not - figuratively and literally.
I resonate so deeply with this! I am 32 and am surrounded by people who think the true mark of success is owning a home. I have honestly never felt that urge to be burdened by broken dishwashers, leaky roofs, etc. But, I do constantly feel judged by others for this which is just sad. Why are people so bothered by how other people choose to live their lives?
I feel this (clearly.) In an earlier version of the post, I went into how and why we became convinced success = buying a home, and TL;DR the government has pushed that idea pretty intensely. But there are many versions of success.
My husband and I have yet to buy a house and absolutely love our rental (I agree- good landlords are a must, and ours are great). Even with a toddler and two dogs, we are really happy renting. I think renting is the realistic choice for many, and our parents generation needs to get on board lol.
THANK YOU for this post!! I’ve spent years locked into mortgages that quite frankly made me feel ill every time I looked at the amount of time I had left on the loan to pay 🫣 I’m renting now for the first time in many years and my god, I love it! She’s an old house (born 1847) that I love to bits and I’d never have been able to afford to buy her or but I get to live here anyway 🪩
You save 25K per year renting not counting the cost of maintaining a home so probably more! If you follow Ramit Sethi (who I love) he would agree with you.
Yes yes yes x1000! We’ve been long term renters, and while I’m definitely craving a house to make my own and feel more “settled” with a young kid and growing family, buying a house in the current market in the city we’re in is nearly impossible and I keep having to talk myself down everytime a peer is able to do so. Renting and being “adjacent” to house problems is a smart decision! Thanks for this reminder :)
Wow - I could have written this exact essay (less eloquently) about my situation. Me and my husband (early 30s DINKs for now) go through the rollercoaster of thinking we're ready to buy, researching, and deciding we're still happy as renters every 6 months or so, for all the reasons you shared.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts! They're valid, logical, and extremely thoughtful but often get drowned out by society's "shoulds" and the louder voices coming from a different perspective. Reading this was very validating.
Good for you!! No one - I mean NO ONE - should ever fall victim to the Shoulds in life. Don’t compare, ignore the FOMO (which is bullshit anyway) and make the choices that work for you! My mom used to say that unless someone is paying your bills, their opinions and judgements don’t matter a damn.
Your mom is super wise! x
YES! Down with the Shoulds!
I’m a home-owner, but still resonate deeply with this post! My husband and I purchased our current home two years ago- it not needing any major renovations or updates was a huge selling point for us. We have since spent over $20,000 (in barely two years) on what are basically ‘freak accidents’. (This total also would have been at about $55,000 if it weren’t for homeowners insurance *just barely* deciding to cover a water leak.) The idea that owning is the only sensible / responsible / adult way to live is total bs. Comparing it to choosing whether or not to have children is a perfect example- there’s no one ‘right’ path for anyone. 💕
Thank you for the lovely note Tiffany. Home-owners very welcome here ♥️ I've heard from a loooot of folks that those "freak accidents" can happen without warning — and often simultaneously — and get very pricey. So glad your insurance covered that water leak!!
Homeowner over here, and same! Most recently, a tree (planted by the city decades ago) in my front yard died. After getting 10+ quotes—the highest of which was $9,500!—we paid a cool $5k to get it taken down. Just one example of many in the past few years of unanticipated expenses we've had to deal with.
We absolutely love our home, but there are a zillion hidden costs to homeownership that don't get talked about nearly enough. The pervasive wisdom/assumption that homeownership is the best path for everyone is just not the case.
Part of our unexpected expenses were trees too 😭
I just did the math last night on how much I’ve spent on rent after I resigned the lease for the house I’m renting that’s gorgeous and perfect for me. Started to think “omg I’d have so much equity in a house right now” but this post helped me reframe. As a single woman, I have so many aspects of my life that I alone manage the weight of. Not having to worry about replacing a roof or an HVAC or property taxes doubling is such a relief!
I am so glad you found a rental that's gorgeous and perfect — and doesn't leave you in bed at night thinking, What if this went wrong? What if this broke? etc. That peace of mind is priceless!
Single woman here too! I’ve never thought of it that way but it’s so true!
Aja is doing the right thing here. While buying a house can be a big part of your future wealth, if you rent and invest in low-cost index funds instead (the younger the better and don’t panic with market fluctuations- start viewing market downturns as “stocks on sale!”), you’ll have that wealth down the road. (Full disclosure: hubs and I are homeowners who do what maintenance we can around the house, but are staring at a $25,000 window replacement (40-year old windows) and $15,000 stucco job. Not happening any time soon…. And yes, having a kid is what changed us from renters to homeowners. 😁).
Thanks so much for writing about your experience - I feel this times 100 as a single woman. If I lose my job, it’s just me who has to figure out how to pay a mortgage! I may feel differently in the future, but for now the idea of being solely responsible for all those things is real. I’m glad I rent and save thousands doing so.
Also, I don’t think people understand how much help millennials who are homebuyers are getting from others. Most of my friends who’ve bought had family help. A popular influencer whose been detailing her homebuying experience could only do so because a family member paid for her college, and her divorce from a wealthy man in tech secured thousands of dollars she wouldn’t have had on her own. Many people get lucky in this space and don’t understand the inequity in our society that outright shuts out people of color who do not come from generational wealth. Phew ok, getting off my soapbox.
Also, that NYT rent or buy calculator is gold (sharing again here so people check it out!)
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/upshot/buy-rent-calculator.html?unlocked_article_code=1.900.NJNi.ndD39FL6xI3P&smid=url-share
"Also, I don’t think people understand how much help millennials who are homebuyers are getting from others." Absolutely. I really admire the people in my life who are open about the help they've gotten from their family — I definitely don't begrudge anyone that, but I think when it's hidden it can make people who *aren't* getting that assist feel unjustifiably ashamed or less capable.
That calculator is a great tool!
I was just working on finding that link- thank you!
I've always thought of myself as a lifelong renter even before the current economics made it more logical not to buy. I never understood the idea of a dream house. I have SO many other dreams -- but I've never had a dream house, or a dream wedding, for the same reason I don't have a dream job. I don't dream of labor!!! 😆
HA Amrita I'm currently in the process of planning a wedding — not something I ever dreamed about, either — and you are so right. I have never worked this hard to spend (so much!!) money 🤪
Good luck with the planning! At least there's a great party at the finish line
Ahhhhh thank you for this the "throwing away money on rent" argument makes my head explode every time!!
Lol I needed to write this so I could stop ranting to Sam about that phrase specifically.
I love my house, and there's something about having my space and garden that's been good for me, but you make a STRONG argument for renting!! Having a house also comes with 15 million responsibilities that, living alone, I was not entirely prepared for. There's a chance that I'll sell mine in 5 years and go back to renting! Loved reading your take on it!
From the pics I’ve seen, your place is *so* lovely! And given all the change the last few years have brought, I can imagine it’s also grounding to have your own place. Love that you’re open to renting in the future — I think we should feel comfortable flipping between renting and owning depending on what’s best at the time. (Versus assuming that once you buy you can never go back.)
As a homeowner who hasn't received help from family, I fully support this message! 😂 Everything comes with pluses and minuses but I'd be lying if I didn't say that being 100% responsible for issues in our home (and yep we had 4 inches of water in our basement last summer and are still in the wake of the consequences) is a real pain in the keister. And perhaps were also gluttons for pain because I favor old homes and this 1940s beast, complete with lead paint and questionable electricity and plumbing, has had us on the verge of moving our family of 6 into an Airstream and traveling the country mortgage-free more times than I can count. All that to say, good for you. I'm glad narratives like this have a platform to be told on.
Congratulations on buying a home independently— that’s amazing! And I bet your 1940s beast is absolutely gorgeous, flooding and all. But it does seem like many homeowners have mixed feelings about the situation!
Thank you so much for this post! I feel so similarly - I love my apartment and love not having to deal with the issues that come up. I always tell myself by choosing to rent, I’m paying for peace of mind. And I really do get annoyed when people frame this decision as throwing money away when it’s not - figuratively and literally.
This EXACTLY. I pay for peace of mind in so many areas of my life (insurance being another literal example!) Why is a house any different?!
I resonate so deeply with this! I am 32 and am surrounded by people who think the true mark of success is owning a home. I have honestly never felt that urge to be burdened by broken dishwashers, leaky roofs, etc. But, I do constantly feel judged by others for this which is just sad. Why are people so bothered by how other people choose to live their lives?
I feel this (clearly.) In an earlier version of the post, I went into how and why we became convinced success = buying a home, and TL;DR the government has pushed that idea pretty intensely. But there are many versions of success.
My husband and I have yet to buy a house and absolutely love our rental (I agree- good landlords are a must, and ours are great). Even with a toddler and two dogs, we are really happy renting. I think renting is the realistic choice for many, and our parents generation needs to get on board lol.
I love hearing from a parent who happily rents!! You're an inspiration (seriously!)
THANK YOU for this post!! I’ve spent years locked into mortgages that quite frankly made me feel ill every time I looked at the amount of time I had left on the loan to pay 🫣 I’m renting now for the first time in many years and my god, I love it! She’s an old house (born 1847) that I love to bits and I’d never have been able to afford to buy her or but I get to live here anyway 🪩
Ohhh she sounds amazing Nicole! I love that you went from buying --> renting — shows you never have to be locked into a path if you don't want to!
You save 25K per year renting not counting the cost of maintaining a home so probably more! If you follow Ramit Sethi (who I love) he would agree with you.
I love Ramit! His podcast is so helpful (and juicy?!)
Yes yes yes x1000! We’ve been long term renters, and while I’m definitely craving a house to make my own and feel more “settled” with a young kid and growing family, buying a house in the current market in the city we’re in is nearly impossible and I keep having to talk myself down everytime a peer is able to do so. Renting and being “adjacent” to house problems is a smart decision! Thanks for this reminder :)
Wow - I could have written this exact essay (less eloquently) about my situation. Me and my husband (early 30s DINKs for now) go through the rollercoaster of thinking we're ready to buy, researching, and deciding we're still happy as renters every 6 months or so, for all the reasons you shared.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts! They're valid, logical, and extremely thoughtful but often get drowned out by society's "shoulds" and the louder voices coming from a different perspective. Reading this was very validating.
Aw, this was so nice to read. Renters rise up! And I hope whatever you and your husband decide, it feels good!
Rental apartments goals!!! And no need to leave the idyllic neighborhood where you can walk to everything! I miss that!
It's a big perk!!