Issue #70: 18 things I give zero fucks about since becoming a mom...
And the things that I care more about now too.
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. Edited by .In three days, I’ll have a two-year-old. Jude is obsessed with musical instruments (guitars, drums, pianos, violins); he sleeps with about fifteen stuffed animals (“friends”) in his crib each night; and if you ask him what birthday he has coming up, it’s a toss-up if he’ll reply correctly or with an enthusiastic “four!”
Jude doesn’t know it yet, but he’s shifted my perspective on many things — from the friendships that I value most and the ways I want to spend my time to my sticker shock (or lack thereof) at pricey groceries. So as a “happy birthday” and a “thank you” to him, I’m sharing the 18 things I give zero fucks about (or at least strive to) since becoming a mom… and the 22 things that I care way more about.
18 things I give zero fucks about since becoming a mom:
The cost of blueberries (or any berries)
How many days a week I eat pasta for dinner (and/or pasta leftovers for lunch)
How my husband loads the dishwasher
Sliding into someone’s DMs who I haven’t talked to in over a decade (to respond to a useful parenting hack or relatable experience)
Whether someone had a c-section or a vaginal delivery or an epidural or breastfed or bottle fed or both or all of the above
Avoiding stains (stain remover works great… usually)
Going into the weekend with plans
Runny noses
Working before 8:30 AM or after 6 PM (unless it’s for Platonic Love)
Any skincare routine that takes more than two steps (I’ll admit that most nights are zero steps)
Hanging out with someone because I feel like I “should”
Making time for mani/pedis (although when it happens, it’s still really nice)
Feeling like I should prioritize style over comfort (that includes shoes, bags, etc.)
Changing up meals each week and trying out new recipes
Using a fitness tracker or watch when I go for a run
Checking a bag at the airport (if I’m traveling with my child)
Leaving wet laundry in the machine overnight because I’m too tired to go downstairs and switch it to the dryer right now
Dressing like a mom (all clothes are mom clothes — and that’s cool!)
And 22 things I care way more about:
Learning how the human brain develops and works (for example, when children start asking “Why?” it’s because they’re developing left brain logic)1
Hearing other parents’ birth stories and sharing my own
Shared values with my partner — particularly around parenting and lifestyle
Having friends without pre-filled weekends so we can make spontaneous coffee shop, yoga, and park dates
Calling my mom
Getting dinner with my friends once a week
Making time for acupuncture (this is a new one for me…but now let me talk your ear off about how rejuvenating one hour lying on a table can feel!)
Doing exercises to rebuild my pelvic floor
Having at least one pair of jeans that will always make me feel sexy
Having my own bathroom that is not shared with a child (yes, a privilege — but also a priority)
Carving out time to take a shower for as long as I want
Visiting my sister in Minneapolis (because she’s already made way more trips to visit her nephew in Boston)
Seeing new movies in the theater (as a break from our own couch, and a fun, kid-free way to connect with my husband)
Universal paid family leave (not that I didn’t before, but c’mon!)
Living walking distance from a playground and a basketball court
A weekly dinner “menu” or rotation
Salad kits
Keeping up with journaling (or at least trying to)
Bringing food over to friends after they have a baby (or anything hard, really)
Avoiding hangovers (I didn’t know misery until I had to take care of Jude after more than a couple of drinks the night before)
Investing in relationships that allow me to grow in other parts of my life (not as a mom)
Investing in relationships that help me grow as a mom, too
I’d love to know: What do you care more and less about since becoming a parent?
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I’m currently reading (and loving) The Whole Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
I don’t have kids but can’t wait for the day I stop caring about the way my husband loads the dishwasher 😅
I loved this and can relate to so much of it. Right now, I care less about making big career moves and more about discovering new kid-friendly spots in our neighborhood to visit together as a family.