Issue #65: With your friends: “It’s better to show up imperfectly than not at all.”
Advice from entrepreneur, mental health advocate, and terrorist violence survivor, La’Nita Johnson
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Last year, we pulled together advice for helping a friend through grief. I’m grateful that we did that — as several of my friends (and I) have gone through difficult times, I’ve found myself going back to that list. Especially:
[After my best friend Margie’s sister-in-law, Tallu, passed away] a group of women, women who loved Margie, gathered at her house after the funeral to eat Indian food and talk — and cry — about Tallu.
This moment always makes me think: What do we lose when we shy away from saying someone’s name? Of naming “the thing?”
La’Nita Johnson is a mental health advocate and entrepreneur. In 2016, while on a trip to Burkina Faso (a small country in West Africa) to build a school, La’Nita narrowly survived a terrorist attack — a horrific incident in which al Qaeda-linked attackers raided a luxury hotel and bombed a nearby cafe, shooting many and taking others hostage in a siege that lasted hours and ended with 29 people dead. La’Nita spent more than 16 hours hiding before she could be rescued.
Heads up: This essay talks about PTSD and relevant symptoms, including suicidal ideations.
After returning home, La’Nita pivoted her career to helping others and launched the website PTSD Out Loud. We asked her about her life, career, coping techniques, and how we can show up for those who’ve experienced trauma.
On the glaring gap in mental health advocacy:
When I was in grad school, I quickly noticed that everything about PTSD was from the viewpoint of returning war vets. Here I was, a 23-year-old trying to figure out why I couldn’t sleep at night and feeling suicidal — and still trying to get my hair and nails done.
I started my blog, PTSD Out Loud, because I wanted to talk about what it looks like for an everyday Black girl to have PTSD.
I’m not necessarily what people think of when they picture someone with PTSD — successful, smiling, dog mom, maintaining a job, still traveling the world — and I wanted other people who didn’t fit the typical image to feel seen.
What people should know about PTSD:
PTSD is much sneakier and more insidious than you might think. When I was first diagnosed, I struggled to link certain issues to PTSD: difficulty maintaining close relationships, hopelessness about the future, memory problems, irritability, and outbursts of anger.
If someone you care about is acting differently, ask questions. Sometimes we’re aware of what’s happening, but sometimes we’re not, and a little grace goes a long way. It’s comforting to hear something like, “Hey, I noticed I haven’t heard from you recently. Just know I’m here for you — whether you need groceries or just someone to listen and understand. I love you.”
How she handles the anniversary of the terrorist attack:
Every January 15th, instead of wallowing at home alone, I mark the anniversary of the attack with loved ones and pizza. Pizza is what I ordered at Café Cappuccino before the attack began. This annual pizza party is my way of reclaiming the evening.
My friends give me the space to talk about how hard it was, share beautiful stories from my time in Burkina, and process all my emotions.
How to support your friends with mental illness:
Throughout my struggles with PTSD, depression, and anxiety, I often couldn’t — and sometimes still can’t — articulate my needs. But the moments when my friends extended grace, did something to lift my spirits, or were patient with my unreturned texts and calls mean more than they’ll ever know.
One time, after the attack, I was so exhausted and stuck in fight-or-flight mode that I couldn't leave my house. One of my closest friends came over to sit with me on the couch and watch a movie. Even though I fell asleep, her presence and willingness to simply be there meant the world. It showed her love and support even when I couldn’t engage.
I’ve learned we shouldn’t let the fear of saying or doing the wrong thing stop us from reaching out. It’s better to show up imperfectly than not at all.
And make room for fun too:
A week or so after surviving the attack, the same friend invited me to Dave & Buster's, and I had such a good time. For that night, I wasn’t someone to pity. I was just a regular person enjoying life.
How her career path changed post-terrorist attack:
I had originally wanted to climb the corporate ladder and become the CMO of a Fortune 500 company. But after the attack, my sense of purpose became more acute. I started grad school, joined the foreign service, and — while I was on a foreign service tour in Guatemala — explored spiritual practices like Reiki. Eventually, I became a certified Reiki master. When I returned to the U.S., I started my own practice and consulting company.
On the average workday:
I wake up around 6:30 AM. If I'm really on it, I start with my water, chia, and lemon routine, shower, and do my full face regimen. After that, I take my dog Chino on a long walk and grab some breakfast.
From 8 to 9, I tackle my business emails before diving into my 9-5 ed-tech job. I’ll take another walk with Chino after work. Post-walk, it's off to Pilates for an hour, followed by a shower and dinner. I recently got a new consulting contract, so I’ll work from 8 to 10:30 or 11, then go to bed.
Weekends are a bit different. I’ll see clients, hang out with friends, and go to the movies. On Mondays, I start off my week with the DC Run Crew.
We asked La’Nita to share a few more of her favorite things with us…
The products she can’t live without:
The La Neige lip sleeping mask and castor oil. I lather castor oil on my face at night.
The book she thinks every woman should read:
Glennon Doyle’s memoir Untamed.
What she’s listening to on repeat this summer:
“Cowgirls,” “Lies Lies Lies,” and “Last Night” by Morgan Wallen.
It was lovely getting to know you, La’Nita — thanks so much for sharing. Follow along with La’Nita on Instagram or TikTok (@lanitamargarita).
More relevant issues from the archives:
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thank you for sharing your story and your wisdom, la’nita!
Loved reading this. Thank you, La’Nita for sharing your story 🙏🏼 this is important work.