Issue #91: 16 things our moms told us that turned out to be so, so true.
It turns out they knew a thing or two.
Written by
. Edited by .We know mother-daughter relationships can be complicated, painful, or absent. If this topic is difficult for you, please feel free to skip this one.
You know that moment when you catch yourself saying or doing something your mom used to say or do, and suddenly you realize... she was onto something? I (Aja) recently turned thirty, and I’ve been thinking more about the advice my mom passed down that turned out to be surprisingly (sometimes annoyingly) accurate. Some of my favorites:
Complimenting random strangers will make you feel as good as it does them.
If you’re in a bad mood, take a walk. If you’re still in a bad mood, take a shower.
There’s no better way to show someone you care than by asking thoughtful questions… and really listening to the answers.
I asked some of our favorite writers to share the most surprisingly true thing their mom told them. Here’s what they said:
of : “I’ve always been a go-go-go kind of person who will forsake sleep, rest, and self-care for productivity. When I was in high school, my mom would always tell me, ‘If you don’t give yourself a break when you need it, your body will eventually make you take one.’ And she was right — I always know I’ve been doing too much when I get so sick that I have to shut everything down until I’m better. (Well, that was the case until I became a parent myself, and now I’m just always sick because of the germs my young children bring home. But before kids? She was 100% right.)”
of : “My 69-year-old mom is one of the happiest people I know — but she wasn’t always. Until her 50s, she struggled with depression. When I asked her what changed, she told me her secret was the three Ds: drugs, distraction and denial. By ‘drugs’ she meant antidepressants; by ‘distraction,’ she meant anything pleasurable or funny that took her mind off of whatever she was worried or upset about; and by ‘denial’ she meant actively dismissing every worst-case scenario for her life that she could envision. (‘I’m at the age when I could die tomorrow, but I pretend that I have decades of healthy living ahead.’) She thinks everyone should get the three Ds tattooed on their body as a helpful reminder.”
of : “Growing up, I remember my mom telling me: ‘Always wear sunblock, and don’t waste money on makeup — save it for skincare instead.’ She rarely wore makeup but consistently applied sunblock (even on her neck and hands!) and did a nightly Clinique skincare routine.”
of : “‘You have to learn how to play the game.’ My mom said this to me and my sisters a lot as we were growing up, but it wasn’t until I entered the corporate world that I understood what she meant. My mom — who became an executive in a male-dominated industry, during a time where the deck was heavily stacked against working mothers — has an uncanny ability to understand the politics underpinning an organization and use them to her advantage. I’m not as good at it, but understanding that there is a ‘game’ and other people are playing it has served me well. She’s also a big believer that ‘C-Work is A-Work.’ I love the idea that, as women, we can show up and do just ‘good enough.’ It runs counter to a lot of the other messaging we get — but when it comes to corporate life, C-work is often all you really need to succeed. Don’t overthink it!”
of : “Since I was a teenager my mom has told me, ‘Good things aren’t cheap, and cheap things aren’t good.’ She always encouraged me to invest in quality — a well-made coat, a sturdy piece of furniture, even a good meal — because it lasts. Prioritizing quality over quick fixes not only saves money in the long run but makes life feel more intentional.”
of : “‘Show up to the simchas,’ my mom always says. Her parents passed this on to her. This translates to: Show up for joyful occasions. My parents travel far and wide for bar mitzvahs, graduations, birthdays, weddings, as well as less marquee events. They live in Queens, while my sister and I live in Brooklyn, and they are always happy to drive over, whether it’s a happy hour for my newsletter, a dinner, or an afternoon coffee. I try to do the same for my loved ones.”
of : “My mother always used to say ‘karma’s a bitch,’ meaning: You get back what you give. She was usually referring to my teen wild streak — I think she was always not so secretly hoping I would have a daughter that would raise hell, like I did. My daughter is only 17 months old, so that remains to be seen, but it’s certainly a refrain that loops in my mind. You never want to be the one others wish karma upon, you know? So, better go through life with kindness, empathy, and understanding. Did it take me a few missteps to realize this? Sure. But she was definitely right… Karma IS a bitch.”
of Ode: “The colloquial term for clean in Chinese is 干净 (gān jìng), two characters that individually mean ‘dry’ and ‘clean,’ respectively. My mom once said, ‘Why is it called gān jìng? Because it has to dry for it to be clean.’ Living in a humid area, my mom’s simple revelation is always in the back of my mind as I deal with everything from towels to the million bottles and cups I’ve had to wash since becoming a mom myself.”
of : “My mom is full of advice (some of it even warranted, lol), but one thing that’s stuck with me is that there are always three sides to a story: his, hers, and the truth. I love gossip more than anything in the whole world, so it’s a good reminder not to take everything at face value. I think it’s something my grandmother used to tell my mom; the best advice is like a good heirloom.”
of : “When I turned 18, my mom bought me what she called ‘anti-wrinkle cream’ and told me to put it on my face every night. It seemed absolutely ridiculous to slather the contents of that Clinique bottle onto my teenage skin, but I heeded her wisdom. I love that there’s something I still do every night that she taught me about — and that wherever she is, she’s doing too.”
of : “When I was in high school, my mom opened a small women’s clothing boutique. (Before that, she worked various retail jobs while raising three kids by herself.) I watched her donate to local schools, support fundraisers, even give jobs to some of our neighbors. While she never explicitly told me to ‘shop local,’ I saw how small businesses quietly strengthen our communities in ways we don’t always see.”
of : “One of the biggest lessons from my mom is the importance of laughter. My mom has the best smile — it can put anyone at ease — and she’s always told me ‘the most important quality in a partner (romantic or platonic!) is someone that makes you laugh.’”
of : “My mom would always say, ‘What a child cannot see standing on a mountain, an elder can see lying on the floor.’ Basically her way of telling me she knows better. And you know what, she was usually right!”
of : “My mom has always lived by: ‘Buy the outfit now, find the occasion later.’ She has the most fabulous, unique clothes and assumes that she will be invited somewhere equally fabulous to wear them. And if she isn’t, she makes the occasion herself. Life is a special enough occasion to get the fun outfit.”
What wisdom have you inherited from your mom? Please share in the comments; we’d love to hear.
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“If you’re mad at everyone, it’s probably you” is something my mom told me in elementary school and repeated as I was growing up. It is unfortunately true and has kept me from acting based on my temper and instead paying attention to what has me feeling that way many times!
Not so much a saying, but something I distinctly remember about my mom: she was an elementary school teacher, and it felt like every week she’d be coming home after work, dressing in black, and heading out to a funeral. A student’s parent, a student’s grandparent, a student’s cousin. Most the time she never knew the person who died but wanted to show up for her students in that way. I heard the phrase “walk to a wedding, run to a funeral” before and it made me think immediately of my mom. She’s the best of the best. ❤️