Issue #01: Pumping while flying, or, why I’m doing this
My first postpartum bachelorette trip; plus, the legacy of the “Girl Power!” generation
A quick intro on why we started this newsletter:
In many ways, our lives (Aliza and Aja) are very different right now: Aliza just became a mom; Aja is unmarried and a half-decade away from parenthood.
But we still have a lot to talk about. Conversations about books and podcasts evolved into discussions around consistent themes: how do you have a kid without feeling like you’ve lost yourself? How do you maintain a tight-knit community as friends move and settle down? That’s when we realized Platonic Love should exist.
These are rich questions without simple answers — and, we believe, deeply relevant ones to most women our age.
Now, let’s get to it.
Aja’s Links:
I’m on L.A. influencer Tok, so of course I’m fascinated by the craze around ultra bougie mecca of health food, Erewhon. I sent a few people the link to this wild NY Magazine story about people working multiple jobs to afford their Erewhon hauls.
My partner and I are moving to a new place that’s almost twice the size of our current one (more on that in a future newsletter), and I’m having a lot of fun looking for accessories. These Urban Outfitters coasters are both elegant and whimsical.
Aliza’s Links:
This Sunday is my first Mother’s Day as a mama! WHAAT! I started listening to (and telling everyone about) Jessi Klein’s bestseller I’ll Show Myself Out: Essays on Midlife & Motherhood last week. I’m almost done, as I’ve been particularly drawn in by Klein’s honesty, humor, and relatability. When Klein talks about the “paralyzing fear of writing about being a mother” — largely because society tells us that “motherhood” is undeserving of a story or attention — I could audibly feel myself exhale, a physical release of anxiety I feel about letting this newsletter out into the world.
Also, where I’m going shopping for handmade gifts (for myself too!) this Mothers Day. This pop-up is specific to my town, but Sunday should be a great day to check out local businesses.
When my son (“J”) was four months old, I took a six-hour flight from Boston to San Diego for a best friend’s three night bachelorette weekend.
I was still almost exclusively breastfeeding.
, whose grounded and data-centric advice I take as gospel, recently featured a question from another reader that hit me. The reader, who was also embarking on a bachelorette trip four months postpartum, asked, will it even be possible to enjoy myself?The plan was for my husband to feed J formula while I was away (we’ve taken a combo feeding approach since he was born, and he loves a Similac milkshake!) But I would have to pump. A lot.
I pumped from my seat on the airplane, at an Ocean Beach brewery, in the passenger seat of my friend’s sister-in-law’s car, at the dining room table, and dressed as a cabana boy (for the murder mystery dinner, of course).
Overall, I felt only mildly uncomfortable. And despite the small inconveniences of waking up early or keeping track of my pump parts at the Airbnb, I was largely gratified by the fun we were having and the ability to show up for my friend. The fourth trimester was a precious, foggy, crazy time, and it felt really good to pull my head up for a few days and dance like I was twenty-six — then squeeze my baby tight when I arrived home.
When I got to the airport to head back, tattooed with the bride’s face on my bicep, I was towing a pink visor, a cooler of frozen milk, and my Spectra pump.
After a mental pep talk, I walked up to the pre-boarding lane. JetBlue makes a pre-boarding announcement for customers with disabilities or in need of extra time before general boarding begins.
The gate agent gave me a look when she scanned my boarding pass. “You need to wait until Group 4,” she instructed me.
“I understand,” I said. “But I’m pumping, and I would really appreciate the extra time to set up my space.”
“Do you have a child with you?” she asked.
“No, I have a baby at home. So I’m pumping.” I grabbed my breasts for emphasis. She sighed and motioned forward.
All in all, it was a short and not too dramatic exchange. I got what I wanted and I boarded the plane early.
But it stuck with me.
Women my age — the “Girl Power!” generation — grew up on icons that were both feminine and powerful: Mulan, Mary Kate & Ashley, American Girl Dolls, and, of course, the Spice Girls. We learned to celebrate our girlhood, assert ourselves, and embrace our ambition. Yes, it was a cool moment, a time of progress. But it was also limiting and exclusive in retrospect. As Jessica Grose, the NY Times writer and author of Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood writes, “That narrative was always a fantasy, and very obviously not as true for everyone.”
I’ve been thinking about that more now as it relates to motherhood and showing up in public spaces. When it comes to salary negotiation, pushing a stroller through a crowded restaurant, or sharing my views online, I’m still fighting a voice telling me to be small, be easy, be convenient.
Taylor Swift demonstrates ‘manspreading,’ a perfect example of unabashedly taking up space. Music video by Taylor Swift performing The Man. © 2020 Taylor Swift
And so walking down the aisle of an empty plane, I felt both guilty (I’d taken up space) and resentful (why should I feel guilty?!).
I’m the type who does her research. Before this trip, I had spent time reading articles online so that I would know my rights while flying. Mamava, the company behind lactation pods in public spaces, has a blog post on Flying Fearlessly with Breast Milk, focused primarily on TSA guidelines — but nobody prepared me for what the experience boarding or being in the air would be like.
We (and I’m referring to new/nursing/etc. mothers here) are still a misunderstood and misrepresented minority who must advocate for ourselves. And yet, we’re advocating for ourselves when we’re feeling most vulnerable, most unsure, most aware of our bodies.
When I got pregnant, I found
’s ParentData newsletter and community. As a fellow thirty-something, I appreciate ’ honest essays and thoughtful recommendations in Morning Person in my inbox on Tuesday mornings. These letters help me feel tied to the larger world while enriching my own… and most importantly, less alone and more connected.I went to yoga last Sunday. When it was time for savasana, the teacher told us, “Take up so, so much space.” I exhaled, allowing my limbs to stretch out wide and sink into the mat. It felt so good.
“Take up so, so much space.”
When Aja and I started talking about this newsletter, we kept coming back to this impulse to share our honest and genuine experiences, and how they complement each other in our respective life stages. While our conversations often revolve around big themes — motherhood, friendship, creativity — it’s these themes and experiences that are often brushed aside as unremarkable. And they’re not.
I hope this project exposes some of those themes or experiences for you too where it feels good — and, I would argue, is really important — to take up space.
love, Aliza
Loved this so much and can't wait to read more!! You two are the best :)
happened to read this while pumping.. so fitting! love these words