Issue #95: Six things that surprised me about getting a prenup

Who the prenup is for, how much it costs, and more

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Photo credit: Liesl Claire

Written by

Aja Frost

. Edited by

Aliza Sir

.

When I told my friend and founder of

The Purse

Lindsey Stanberry

I was getting a prenup, her first question was, “Who asked for it?” I wasn’t surprised — most people assume one person (usually the wealthier one) is pushing for a prenup while the other reluctantly goes along with it.

But as I shared in this week’s Group Chat, neither my fiancé Sam nor I “asked”— we both just assumed we’d get one. I wrote:

Before we started, I thought we’d sail through this process without any friction. I was wrong. While we’ve worked through it, I’ve learned you can’t talk about your interests versus your partner’s without getting emotional and, at times, defensive.

Group Chat No 3: Can We Talk About Prenups?

Today, I’m diving deeper into what the process has actually been like: from how much it costs and the moments of tension we’ve had to whom the prenup protects (the answer might surprise you), what’s brought us closer, and more.

From our first date eight and a half years ago — during which we genuinely fought over the check — I’ve made it clear to Sam how much I value financial independence. As early as I can remember, my mom was drilling its importance into me. She’d sacrificed her professional dreams so my dad could follow his, and I think she wanted me to do things differently. I planned on getting a prenup when I was still single and broke. It was a guarantee I’d be okay no matter what happened.

Sam’s always been on board with my desire to have (and use) my own money. While he won the battle to pay for our first dinner, I paid for the next one — and that set the precedent for our relationship.

Photo credit: Liesl Claire

But even though I’ve been imagining a prenup for a long time, it turns out there’s a lot I didn’t know about the process.

1. A prenup isn't for everyone.

This was one of the first things I learned. A prenup is expensive (more on that in a bit.) Yes, it’s cheaper than a prolonged divorce — but if neither person has assets (or debt), and you don’t expect to inherit a lot of money, you might not need one. There’s a common refrain that everyone has a prenup, whether they sign one or not — because every state has laws in place that dictate how assets are divided in divorce.