Links we sent our friends #48
Plus, a special guest known on TikTok as the @thefriendshipexpert
Hi! Aliza here, coming to you on Sunday night filled to the brim with joy and gratitude from dedicated time with friends, but also bleary-eyed — and probably a little dehydrated. My toddler hasn’t quite gotten the memo that we should sleep in on the weekends. Especially after big events.
(So if you catch a typo, blame the toddler.)
Danielle Bayard Jackson knows what it means for friends to feel like family — and the work required to make that happen. She is a female friendship coach, public speaker, and educator who’s been featured in The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Oprah Magazine, and many more. Danielle is also the author of Fighting for Our Friendships, a book coming out this month about conflict and connection in women’s relationships. (You can preorder it today!)
We chatted with Danielle about all things friendship: how she got started in the field, who she calls for support, and the crucial ingredients for lasting relationships. First, some links…
Danielle’s Links:
I'm in my mid-30s and still developing my sense of style. This account has been helpful for inspiration.
My friends and I swore that we were done watching dating shows... and then The Never Ever Mets debuted on HBO Max and hooked us right back in. (Aja: Color me intrigued.)
I've started giving this book to friends on their birthdays when they joke about "getting old.” It legitimately rewired my brain — now I’m looking forward to aging and all its surprising benefits (really!)
This playlist celebrates all things friendship. It’s perfect for road trips with friends on a sunny Saturday morning.
Recently tried this Los Angeles restaurant and, GIRL, let me tell you: Not only was the food fantastic, the restaurant’s vibes transformed me into the cool and classy woman I've always aspired to be.
Aja’s Links:
I bought this adorable skirt after seeing it on . Very Challengers. (Aliza: Oohh, can we match?)
If you’re still looking for a Mother’s Day present, my sister and I are getting these with my mom next weekend when we’re all in New York. (Don’t click, Mom.)
Fascinated by the concept of a darkness retreat.
The perfect low-key nail polish: surprisingly subtle, lasts a long time, doesn’t look shitty when it inevitably starts to chip.
Aliza’s Links:
just released her fourth book: The Unexpected: Navigating Pregnancy During and After Complications. I’m looking forward to reading it. Listening to Oster and her co-author, maternal fetal medicine specialist Dr. Nathan Fox, discuss the book made me grateful their work will help those who experience unexpected pregnancy outcomes (including myself!) feel less alone.
I went into Old Navy to grab some new pajamas for Jude1, and came out with a new favorite t-shirt. (The blue color is even prettier in person — and has a perfect vintage fit/feel.)
I’m obsessed with the band Khruangbin’s unique sound (so is Ana-Maria Jaramillo, the entrepreneur we featured last week.) As Ryan Bradley writes for the New York Times, it’s “groovy and pleasant, bewitchingly exotic yet comfortingly familiar, inoffensive and instantly graspable as existing within a particular sonic space.” (Aja: Sam and I saw Khruangbin at Roadrunner in 2022! Great show.)
found a healthy relationship with parenting advice — and it’s from the 1960s.
I’m yet to find another baby shampoo that smells as good as this one. (I love their body lotion too.)
On how she became a friendship expert: I began my career as a high school English teacher for 12th graders, so I had a front-row seat to the ways that lacking connection and belonging impacted everything else — their grades, confidence, mood, even attendance.
After six years, I left the classroom and went into public relations. I was working with high-achieving, charismatic women — and it wasn’t long before I discovered they had friendship issues, too. They were deeply dissatisfied with their relationships. That's when I realized that at every stage of womanhood, we're trying to navigate our platonic relationships with other women.
How people perceive her field: People tend to think of friendship as a fun recreational pastime, so this area of academia often doesn’t come with the same gravitas of the other sciences. But realizing there are professionals who dedicate their careers to studying the ways that friendship impacts our physical, mental, and emotional health it can help us to rethink friendship and see it as a wellness imperative.
The friend she calls when she’s feeling burnt out: My friend Marissa is an entrepreneur and a creative too, so she understands what it means to be burnt out in the specific ways that I experience it. It helps to commiserate — but then we can quickly pull out of it and do something fun that’ll re-energize us.
The friend she calls when she’s feeling nostalgic: I’ve known Quanna since tenth grade. She’s seen the very worst parts of me and stayed. Friendship is such an elusive, ambiguous, and elective relationship — it means a lot when someone sticks around. Quanna and I connect over our faith and shared sense of humor — all we really need is a glass of sangria and a comfy couch.
On what makes a friendship solid: Intention, time, and vulnerability. I can’t tell you how many friendships die out in adulthood because we don’t make the time (and yes, I acknowledge the very real barriers and challenges we face during this stage of life!) or prioritize it the way we do other relationships.
Follow Danielle on Instagram and TikTok for more insight into female friendship. And pre-order her book! We can’t wait to read it.
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The salesperson asked if I was buying these for my daughter. (Insert eye roll.)
I just got my kids the sushi roll out of bed and the pretzels. love those PJs!
Loved the conversation with Danielle and how she goes to different friends for different things. It reminded me of Trevor Noah's recent podcast episode with Rhaina Cohen, author of The Other Significant Others. They talked about profound emotional friendships and how marriage isn't the only committed relationship we can have.